Baby shower table conversation:
"While I run my bath, I often clean the bathroom. In the nude - you know, I'm waiting to hop in the tub. So I'll clean the sink, or the mirror... This one time, I was cleaning the floor, so I had my scale up on the toilet. I looked at my boobs, looked at the scale, looked at my boobs again, and thought, let's see just how much these suckers weigh. So I did. One of them was eight pounds, the other was nine!!! No wonder my shoulders hurt! I could have a breast reduction and lose fifteen pounds!"
I almost died laughing. The key to baby shower survival.