Monday, August 30, 2004

Descending into Eating Disorders

[Copied from my first blog, A Nickel for My Thoughts]

I understand now how easy it is to fall unsuspectingly into an eating disorder. So I mentioned that I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks? It was so easy for me. I simply cut my calories down to 1500 a day, and what with all the exercising I do, the weight just dropped off. So now I fit into clothes I wore in college again, and in fact weigh less than I have since I started college. But yet I still manage to look at myself and think that I need to lose more weight. I look down at my thighs and see these big fat sausages. I want more definition in my arms, I want a six-pack... I've stopped counting what I'm eating on the weekends though because I really don't think it's healthy for me to lose more weight, but it's so hard to actually look at myself and be satisified with what I see. Why is it that I can be so happy with everything else in my life - my wonderful husband, great job, incredible family - and yet I still feel like I need to be thinner?

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Queen of Procrastination

[Copied from my first blog, A Nickel for my Thoughts]

This is my first blog entry, after having read others for a few months. I've mostly been reading weight loss / fitness blogs, starting with Alicia's which I got into after dropping 12 pounds in two weeks and starting to feel some of the symptoms of semi-starvation (insomnia being the major one for me). This is probably going to end up being more rambles (hence the blog title) than anything else although my major hobbies right now are all fitness related so I'll talk a lot about that.

A little about me: My name is Nico, I just finished my PhD in biology and started a totally kick-ass job at a biotechnology company. I absolutely love my job. Of course, if you don't love your job after 6 days, you might have a problem! Anyway, as far as fitness goes, I play ice hockey, volleyball, golf, bike and lift weights. At the moment I really *should* be working on revising my thesis, which is due on September 7th, but am I? NO! I don't want to!!!! So instead I'm writing emails, and starting on a blog. So to the voices in my head telling me that the revisions will be much less painful if I don't leave them until the last minute, I say "ha! I can outlast you for at least a few more days!".

Why is it that the hardest part of any project is getting started? Why is it that I *know* that, and yet still can't convince myself to do it? I had the same problem actually writing the damn thesis, although it wasn't quite this bad. It's funny - I have so much willpower that I can apply to what I eat and to exercising, (perhaps because I enjoy the feelings of control I get from that), and yet none to apply to this task. Maybe we each have a finite supply of willpower - if you apply it in one area of your life, that leaves other areas lacking. Food for thought.

Anyway (one of my favorite words, as you'll quickly see), if I'm not going to work on my thesis I should at least go to bed. TTFN.