Saturday, June 12, 2010

More details on Schweffel's demise.

When I went into the ultrasound room the tech first looked at my uterus, and I saw flashes of something inside there, then checked my ovaries (I was thinking that the pic was so much less clear than when we were going through treatments, but realize now that's because this was an abdominal u/s).

She then moved on to the baby. I didn't notice at the time that there was no movement. What I did see was no heartbeat. She switched on the view where you can see blood flow, and I didn't realize at the time that there was no blood flow in schweffel either. Mine around the uterus was there, but nothing going inside. She did a few measurements of the crown-rump length, and I noticed that the calculation said 8w6d... then said she had to go and get the doctor.

I choked up a little and said, "I didn't see a heartbeat, did you?". She responded, "No, I'm sorry". Handed me a box of tissues, and said I should wait there a few minutes while she got the doctor. I started to text DH but then thought, what am I thinking, and just called him. It was so hard to tell him, definite waterworks. He asked if he should come in, I said I didn't know, and he said he was on his way. Such a sweetheart.

The doc came in and mentioned that I had asked the u/s tech about the h/b. I told him this was my third pregnancy so I knew what I was looking for. Poor guy, he tried so hard to be diplomatic in asking me what happened in the other two pg. He was really sensitive about it, I have heard stories from my friends about much more callous doctors and nurses, but they were both great. as can be in that situation I suppose. He did confirm no heartbeat, and that the dating was not too far off where I was supposed to be, so Schweffel probably died within the last week or so.

Which is interesting because I finally started feeling queasy through most of the day middle of last week, but that disappeared again earlier this week. Timing was probably not coincidental.

I met with my doc after that, and she talked to me about the options - waiting for a natural miscarriage, taking drugs to induce one, or a D&C. I told her I was pretty sure I was leaning towards a D&C, we were in the midst of talking about that when DH arrived. I asked if we could have a few minutes, she very quickly got up and said, "Of course!".

I needed that hug.

We talked about the options for a few minutes, then told the doc we were ready to talk to her again. She went through the D&C procedure, that we'd been scheduled for 8am Monday morning which means we have to be there at 6, and then I had to sign some consent forms, including one for either taking charge of the remains for a funeral (or I guess whatever else we wanted to do) or having the hospital dispose of them. Mark said no funeral, so we signed for hospital disposal. I think all the options stink actually. Even with a natural miscarriage, I guess the baby would just be flushed down the toilet which doesn't seem like a great ending either. I may change my mind on this I'm not sure yet.

I guess that's about it for now. I've been doing a bit of research on what to expect with the D&C. I did have one after Timmy was born because I was continuing to bleed and they wanted to make sure there wasn't any retained placenta, so I know the basics, although that was different because I was awake with a spinal block, whereas this time they're going to use IV meds for anesthesia and I think I won't remember it? I do remember thinking during that procedure how nasty it was to hear the vacuum and how awful it would be to hear that and know they were vacuuming your baby out. I guess they do it a bit differently, or I'm about to find out.


Yo-yo Mama said...

Make sure to ask if it's general anesthesia or not. I've never heard of a D&C done under local, but shit, you never know.

Of the two I've had, both were general. I can't really tell you more than that except just dress comfortably so you can change out of the gown into clothes you can hit the bed at home and go straight to sleep.

I think you made the better decision as far as at what to do with Schweffel. Vivienne's remains were given a final resting place by the hospital. Wolf's? Different hospital, different protocol.

JV said...

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. I had 2 natural miscarriages, around 7 weeks both times - quite unpleasant. A third time I had to have a D&C as well. I was obviously very sad and uncomfortable, but I was asleep and don't remember a thing (and if you ask me, you made the right choice - that's what I would choose as well, should I ever face that choice again, after having both experiences). I don't know if what I had was general anesthesia or just a lot of sedatives to make me completely asleep. I would ask, though, just to be sure and so you can form an idea of what it will be like.
Sending you a hug.

mara said...

I'm so, so sorry that this happened, Nico.

I had general anesthesia and was completely out from when I was wheeled into the OR until they were moving me to the recovery room. I agree about the comfortable clothes. Overall, my experience went about as well as they could have both times.

One thing it might not be a bad idea to ask about when the doctor swings by before the surgery is antibiotics? I wonder now if I got my uterine infection from D&C #1. I got them during and after #2. Anyway, just a thought.

We went with the hospital option as well, though it was a tough decision.

I hope the D&C goes as well as possible and you can start healing. You will be in my thoughts over the next few weeks.

Ceejay said...

Oh, Nico, I'm so so sorry. This is so sad to read. I'll be thinking about you bright and early tomorrow morning.

Thalia said...

Oh nico I am so sorry. It's so very very sad and disappointing. Poor Schweffel. Poor you. Poor DH. Just miserable.

Thank goodness you are getting decent treatment. Although do docs in the US not do D&E? It's supposed to be much easier on you.

Thalia said...

Oh yes, and to answer the questions. Definitely a general. And definitely antibiotics, which should start the night before. And lots of pain killers.

The biggest problem I had with my D&E was the hormone crash about 3 days later. Just sobbed at everything, all day. So don't go back to work too soon, although physically you'll probably feel ok. And then quite severe cramping about 5 days after. So make them give you lots of serious drugs to go home with.