Friday, May 05, 2006

Pregnancy drive-by… with a Hummer and an Uzi.

I know that a number of other pregnant after infertility folks have mentioned that they still feel some pangs when hearing about newly pregnant people, despite their own change in status.

Well, I got to experience it first-hand the other night. I was talking to my mom, and she told me that my cousin had called and left a message saying that his wife is pregnant.

So you have some of the backstory... they just got married September of last year. He’s 21, she’s 19. They had been dating for only a year before their wedding. She has a part-time job at Petco, and he’s an apprentice welder.

I can't put a finger on how I feel. Flattened somehow. I *know* that it has no bearing on ME, but somehow I just can’t bring myself to be happy for them. Maybe just because it’s such a different life path than I chose to take, and I can’t even begin to comprehend it. Maybe because I was already worried about whether they would even make it, now there’s another worry to add to the pile – what about the baby?. I’m just trying not to think about it at all. Gah.

11 comments:

Chee Chee said...

I feel that stories like this bother me b/c I've worked so hard and planned so much and for some people to just miraculously fall pregnant without a plan or a goal or a thought somehow seems like a slap in the face from the cosmos. I'm trying to get over feeling that way but I often can't help it.

DD said...

I think it also has to do a lot with how you perceive these people to be as parents. It's hard to remember that there isn't a quota on number of babies allowed to be born, so we have a tendency to think the ones who have fought the hardest and longest should get first shot, not the couple who are probably cursing the reliability of the withdrawal method.

soralis said...

It still bugs me to and I have twins. I think I have resigned myself to the fact that it may always bother me on some level. I think it just brings back some of the bad memories, I hope someday it brings back some of the good ones too but I am a looooong way from that.

Take care and the best to you!

Liz said...

Your feelings are normal. I think when we hear about how easy it was for people to get PG it will always stir up feelings for us. Your worries about them managing are valid.

NCD said...

God that is so depressing. They might be wonderful parents, but there are so many people working so hard and still failing.

I can understand, that even though you are pregnant, it still seems so unfair.

One Mother's Journey said...

Your feelings are totally normal. Also, it's hard to be happy for them when their circumstances suck so bad.

elle said...

Oh, see, I would totally be thinking snarky comments, but that's just b/c I'm a judgemental bitch.

Alexa said...

I think I would feel the same way. I frequently see pregnant teens at Target, and it really bothers me. I think even if I get pregnant, I will still have a pang when I see a seventeen year-old with a toddler and a thrid-trimester belly.

The Tired Waiter said...

I'm still waiting to get to pregnancy, so I can relate to those pangs. A friend of mine called me this weekend to say she is pregnant. She also got married in Sept and (of course) they weren't even trying. I want to be happy for her, and I am. But I'm still so very sad for me.

So, your post was very timely and I relate.

Been reading you for a while, though this is my first comment. Really love your blog.

Thalia said...

I can understand. In the midst of still feeling infertile and stressed, it's hard to know that for some people, this is easy. You are not alone.

Well-heeled mom said...

For me the problem would be that she's 19. Good Lord - 19? I was in college still trying to decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I'm an adoptive mother. My son was placed in my arms at 10.5 months. I get that feeling you describe when people get their children younger than I did. I don't know if that's "normal" or if it's just me.