Monday, July 05, 2010

13 weeks.

I would have been 13 weeks tomorrow. Which means that everyone who is due around when I was is now announcing their pregnancies. I absolutely do not begrudge a single one of them. But I'm finding it a lot harder than I thought I would to say "congratulations". I want to say that I was supposed to have a baby then too. But then I don't know if that's raining on their parade and I should just say congrats and be done with it.

In many ways I'm sadder now than I was when we first found out. Then we had to deal with the logistics. Now I'm just waiting. And thinking.


Gundy said...

I know exactly how you're feeling Nico. It's hard not to think about what could have been. It's one of those things that keeps hitting me out of nowhere, just when I'm starting to feel better. Just try to stay positive and excited for the future, because happy things are on their way. I know it ;)

mara said...

Oh, Nico. I'm sorry. I think this part might be the worst part of a miscarriage, other than the initial shock (and I think it's a shock no matter how prepared you are for the possibility).

I know what you mean about wanting to speak up about your pregnancy. It's like - if you don't say anything about it, you're kind of pretending (at least in the conversation) that it never happened. But saying something, depending on your relationship with the person, may make things uncomfortable. It's isolating not to say anything but hard to know whether to say something.

Thinking of you.

Thalia said...

I'm so sorry Nico. This is why I always felt miscarriages shouldn't be swept under the table, people need to know so that they can treat you with requisite sensitivity. hang in there.

Molly said...

I'm thinking too. Of you.

Nico said...

thanks for your thoughts, friends :-) It helps so much to have your support, as I know you all know. xo.