Friday, October 19, 2007

Not-so-rose-tinted glasses

I am so flipping frustrated with my stupid body. I do believe I have the hypothalamic amenorrhea kicked. What I don't have kicked is totally irregular cycles. I have had a visit from the crimson bitch twice since I stopped BFing. The first time was four days after I ovulated, right as BFing ended. The second was 29 days later - 8 days after a CD21 O. I remember having had somewhat long cycles back from when I was a teenager, before any birth control, so I figured, okay, I'm going to O on around CD21... slightly longer than normal, but I can manage that.

So then we decide we're ready to ttc again. I should have known that was a recipe for my body going haywire. I started having EWCM on CD 8 this cycle. I was totally surprised - pleasantly so, thinking that maybe I'd actually O around CD14 and be normal. That dried up a couple of days later. No big deal.

Then it started again, CD13 this time. At this point, my 'no temping no OPKing' idea went out of the window. I was obsessing way more about whether I was going to O or not that I would using those things. So I started charting. This round of EW lasted for three days, then dried up again. So much for a normal length cycle.

Third time's the charm, right? My latest round of EW started on Monday, that's FIVE days ago - and still no positive OPK. Nor a temp rise, so it's not as if I O'ed and just didn't catch the surge. I am currently CD24, with no end in sight.

When I got pregnant with Ant, I O'ed on CD42. I thought, at the time, that it was so late because it was my first natural cycle in oh, forever. Now I'm rethinking that. Perhaps that is normal for me? I *wish* that I had paid attention when I was a teenager so I'd have a better idea of what to expect now.

I had set my baseline expectation at CD21 based on last cycle, but perhaps I should not anticipate O'ing until CD42 and then I'll feel less frustrated. I just wish I knew what was going on with all this egg-white. I'm almost getting to the point where I want to call my RE and see if I can go in for an u/s just to see what things are looking like inside. Do I have a decent sized follicle, that I could just take a trigger shot for? Or am I trundling along, follicle-less, and my hypothalamus is just playing tricks on me?

Damn, I *hate* not being in control, not knowing what is going on.


leighchow said...

Hey, Nico! It's been a while but I've been thinking about you and wondering where motherhood has taken you. I was also very eager to see how your HA has responded. I'm still BF (Q's 10 months now) and plan to for a few more months -- no CB for me at all. I'm hoping that it will return on its own, but I'm always doubtful about my body's ability to successfully regulate its own hormones. Anyhow, I'll be reading with interest and, just like the last time, hoping to follow in your footsteps with a successful pregnancy! Take care!

Em said...

Uh. That would make me crazy, too. I have had friends tell me that it can take several months for your body to regulate after weaning. I hope that is all that is going on for you. I haven't had my first AF yet because we are still weaning, but I feel like I am getting close. I'm curious as to what my cycles will be like.

tonya said...

I hope your cycle settles down and starts to resemble something you can track. It is maddening to be on that roller coaster.

Emma B. said...

Oh, that must be crazy-making indeed. Sorry you're stressing about it!

soralis said...

Hope it straightens out for you. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Hi Nico,

I know you've had your second now, but for anyone else who's wondering...recent studies have shown that we are all so different that there is no such thing as a "normal" time for ovulation, in fact less than 30% of us ovulate on Day 14. I had HA, which I overcame, but I still ovulate on Day 24 or 25 each month, even though my period usually comes pretty much as "normal" on day 28 to 31. I thought I was not ovulating even after the CB returned, but in fact I was, just much later than I thought. That's why I believe that ovulation testing sticks should be used by all women who are TTC. You may just be doing things on the wrong day! After more than a year of HA and a couple of months of irregular cycles, the first month we tried it we conceived!