Friday, June 29, 2007

A sibling

I think about TTC#2 all the time.

I think about it when I go to the bathroom, I'm constantly checking the tp for any signs of CM. Which I have actually seen a couple of times in the last few weeks. Makes me hopeful.

I think about it when I'm deciding whether to have a snack or not. Trying very hard not to let myself fall back into my old pattern of restricting what I eat because I don't want to have the same non-ovulating problems again.

I think about it when I look in the mirror and see all my imperfections. And when I avoid the mirror because I'm not happy with what I see.

I think about it when I step on the scale.

I think about it when I see pregnant women. Who are everywhere. And as DD mentioned, when I see non-pregnant women wearing those stupid maternity clothes that are all the rage now.

I think about it when Ant does something particularly cute.

I think about it when I see my sister who is pg with number two - an oops. I wonder if I could ever be so lucky.

I also wonder if people who didn't have trouble conceiving their first child have this same all consuming obsession with the second. I know that M doesn't - I asked him the other day how often he thinks about a potential sibling for Ant, and he said about once a month. It honestly probably crosses my mind 10-20 times a day. And we're not even wanting to 'try' yet. How much worse is this going to be when we are ready?


MamaMint said...

I think about it off and on. Not a lot because honestly the first few months with JuniorMint sucked! I didn't know what the heck I was doing and I wish it could've gone better - you know, like it does in the movies! LOL!

I don't know if my body will have the same issues when we try for #2. I decided to go back on the dreaded BCP because we're in no hurry for another child. I decided that I won't weigh as little as I did. The more I think about it, once I put on 5 lbs I got CB. So, even though my weight at the time was in the low end of the healthy range, it must've been too low for me. I'm going to start there and see what happens.

Of course, I have to get the remaining baby weight off before I work through my theory.

It may not be that simple, either. Who knows. The more I research/read, the more I realize that nothing is simply black and white. There are a million different shades of gray that really just leave me spinning in a haze.

Alexa said...

I don't know whether people who have an eaasy time conceiving their first feel the same way. I would imagine for infertiles the wondering whether/how it will happen is a lot more intense.

Jenn said...

I think about it constantly. I just asked my husband how often he thinks about it and his answer was, "However often you bring it up."

Even so, I think we've decided we'll eventually try again (probably with an FET), but the bigger question is when.

Thalia said...

i think about it a lot, and i haven't even had #1 yet!

Eva said...

A very thoughtful post.

How about thinking about it every time someone asks, "are you planning to have any more?" or "when will you have another?" as if it's an easy to answer question?

I hope that when the time comes, you are able to get #2 with minimal "above and beyond" effort (I was going to say minimal effort, but then I thought, even the easiest pregnancy isn't really minimal effort).

T said...

Holy crap - it's not just me?? I'm going to have to ask G how often he thinks about it. I think about it enough for our entire neighborhood I think. Have done for years now... BOO!

ovagirl said...

I'm certainly thinking about it alot these days. We've got one frozen embryo and quite often and i think about this little fragment of potential life and I wonder when we can try again. Of course we're having unprotected sex because despite everyone bagging on about those people who had IVF the first baby and then got preggers naturally after that, it will not happen to us. Too many things wrong. but that doesn't stop me getting all wistful and hopeful everytime we have sex...

lucky #2 said...

I think once you fight IF to have one child, you get a bit obsessed with TTC. So, even though you are SO lucky to have one, you can't turn off the switch of obsession so easily. I too also have the thought off and on all day long.
I guess that explains why we are TTC #2 this month.

I think that a psychology student could have a field day studying us IFers!!!