Although approximately 99% of having a baby is sugar and spice and all things nice, there are definitely a few things that are not so pleasant. I think (hope?) that all of us feel some of these things at one time or another. It has definitely had some effects on my relationship with M - not as much nooky, for one. I didn't know it was possible to have a negative libido! Oh yes, though. I have not been "in the mood" since Ant was conceived. I do my wifely duties, and I do mostly enjoy it when I do, but I'm really hoping that once I quit BFing I'll actually feel some desire again. (Please, don't disabuse me of that notion if it's not the case. Let me live in my little fantasy world!)
BFing is another thing that has to my surprise become somewhat unpleasant. I have not been one of those people who loves breastfeeding, and feels closer to their child when doing it. As Jenn has said, I do it because I think it's the best source of nutrition for him, and because I had a relatively easy time of it. I always wanted to nurse for at least six months, and when I got there I saw no reason to stop. All of a sudden though, in the last few weeks, I'm ready to be done.
Our routine now is that I feed Ant first thing when he wakes up in the morning, usually around 6:30, at 10-11, 3-4, and then one last time at bedtime. He's mostly eating for 10 min or less during the day, and around 10 min/ side in the early am or last feed of the day. Which, in comparison to the 40 min + marathons of the early days, is really nothing.
Which is why my reaction to his feeding recently somewhat surprises me. I've been feeling quite claustrophobic when he nurses for any length of time. I'm good for the 10 min, 12, but anything over 15 and I start getting antsy. I've found myself thinking, sometimes, "get off get off get off". And then I feel bad for feeling that way. He's woken up at midnight the last three nights and won't go back to sleep without nursing, and then it's been particularly bad. I think because I'm really tired and just want to sleep, and he's keeping me from it. Intellectually I know that it is nothing that he is doing on purpose (I'm hoping it's just a growth spurt - no disabusing me of that idea either ;-), but emotionally I'm finding it quite difficult to calm myself and be okay with it.
A little while ago I had posted that I might even go longer than a year, but the way I'm feeling right now, there's just no way. I don't really see the point in switching to formula now, only to go to cows milk in three months, so I will likely stick it out until that point. But I really don't see us going any longer than that. Of course things can always change again - we'll see.
I still have more rats and snails to go (more relationship stuff), but I think I'll save that for another time.