Timothy Edward (formerly known as Fwed) was born on 09/18/2008 at 1:48pm, weighing in at 7lb 5oz, and 20 inches long. My BIL was joking about how we talk about babies as if they're fish!
Here's how it all went down:
I first noticed contractions that felt different from the BH I’d had all along in the pg when Ant woke me up at 4am. They were about 3-5 minutes apart, lasting 15-20 sec. After a while when I couldn’t go back to sleep, I got up to finish up some last minute work stuff, and have something to eat. The contractions spaced out quite a bit, to about 10-15 minutes apart, so I figured we were either in for the long haul, or it was false labor. Until I went to the bathroom and there was some bloody mucus on the TP… I got a big smile on my face and thought that we probably would be having the baby that day. More than a week sooner than I had been anticipating (I was 39w6d).
By the time I finished up the work stuff at around 10am, I was having contractions that were 4-5 min apart, but only about 30 sec long. I hopped in the bath for an hour and only had 3-4 more, so in my mind more evidence that we were in for a long day. When I got out, they were 2-3 min apart but only 30 sec or so, so I thought they would space out... they also weren't that uncomfortable, I was just stopping and leaning on something through them, then getting on with what I was doing (which did include a little bit of packing, turned out to be a good thing). I started having to lie down for them at around 12:15 - and then my water broke at 12:20. Called the doctor, and they said, "come in RIGHT now". I still wasn't convinced because although the contractions were coming pretty quickly they were still fairly short, and I wasn't finding the pain unmanageable in the least. But I decided they were probably right.
We ended up leaving the house at 12:48. Got stuck in traffic on Storrow Drive (figures!), at which point Mark asked if he needed to flash his lights etc and try and get through. I said no, but did have him call smartraveller to find out how long we were likely to be stuck for. Fortunately it was just a short jam due to some road work, so we were on our way in about 5 or 6 minutes. We also discussed how we should handle the car – should we both go and park it, should Mark drop me off, or should we leave it out front? I said I didn’t think I could make it from the garage, so either he should drop me off or we should bring the car right out front. By the time we got there Mark decided on the latter based on his assessment of how I was doing. (I had started pushing out more gushes of amniotic fluid just as we were getting through the traffic jam).
We were actually treated as a medical emergency when we did get to the hospital; there were a couple of guys out front who helped me into a wheelchair, and got us an express elevator up to the L&D floor. The receptionist there didn’t seem to have quite the urgency that Mark and I were feeling, she was asking for our insurance info! I told her my contractions were 1-2 min apart, and finally she seemed to get it and got someone to take me into triage. Once I was up on the bed in triage after discarding my amniotic fluid (and meconium – the fluid was definitely greenish) soaked towel, I climbed onto the bed. Almost immediately, I felt my uterus starting to contract from the top and push down – without my doing a thing! I told the nurse that I had to push. A midwife came in, checked me, “yup, fully dilated +2 station” and rushed me to a delivery room. The pushing phase was nothing like what I had imagined, where I would get a break in between pushes to recoup, and wonder at what was happening. Even the pushing contractions were right on top of each other. At one point they had me try and push more slowly, until the baby’s heartrate started dropping, which for me was the best motivation EVER to push as hard as I could and get him out. He did come out, just one or two pushes later, and only 13 minutes after we’d entered the room. Mark said, “It’s a BOY!”. So Timothy Edward had made his appearance.
Because he came out so quickly I had a lot of tearing, so they spent about 3 hours stiching me up and trying to stop the bleeding (all of which was honestly way more painful and uncomfortable than the delivery itself), which was unsuccessful and I ended up in the OR for about 45 minutes at 7pm to finally get everything back together. Turned out I had a second degree perineal tear, labial tears, and a vaginal tear which was what had been oozing and they couldn't find until in the OR.
It’s funny how so few birth experiences seem to go as expected. I got to experience the natural delivery I was hoping / planning for – yet at the same time because it all happened so fast, in some ways I didn’t get to experience it. I had a Nora Jones CD I was planning on listening to while laboring in the hospital, to help me relax through the contractions. That never even made it out of the bag! As I mentioned, there was no time for me to think about, marvel or wonder at what my body was doing during the delivery because the contractions were so incredibly intense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining – in fact I’m rather in awe of how it all happened. It just happened so differently from what I had imagined, since I started contemplating a natural birth when pregnant with Ant.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Gotta love that uterine irritability!
I'm going to put up a few posts over here rather than at Phred/Fwed because my in-laws read that blog as it's mostly about the kids - but there are some things they just don't need to know!
*******************
I have been lucky so far this pregnancy not to have experienced the series of contractions that I did starting at 25 weeks in my first pg. I've had plenty of sporadic contractions, to be sure - I noticed them starting at about 12 weeks. But nothing serial, that lying down or drinking wouldn't fix. Until yesterday that is. They started at about 12:45, I actually noticed them while I was standing in line to get lunch. And they continued. And continued. About every five minutes apart. I hadn't had much to drink since the morning, so I swigged about 20oz of water, and lay down on the floor of my office for a bit. Nice to have an office, I must say! They did stop while I was lying down, but started back up again as soon as I got up. I tried lying down again for a longer time, and they disappeared again - as long as I was on the floor. I decided to call my doctor's office after about three hours of this - they had been telling me to call if I had more than four in an hour, and at this point I was running at 10-12/hour. I wasn't overly concerned, as these felt just the same as all the other contractions, and I wasn't feeling any other labor-ish symptoms. I was a little annoyed, though, when it took the nurse an hour to call me back! We discussed a little, she eventually said that I should go home and call again later if they were still continuing. I almost agreed to that, but then figured I that at work I was only 5 minutes away, and I'd rather just go in at that point and get checked out than have to deal with going in later in the evening when it would be much more of a trek. She agreed that it would be reasonable for me to come in, so off I trotted.
When I got to the office, I was again kept waiting quite a bit longer than I would have expected. When they finally took me back they followed standard procedure - pee in a cup, weight, BP, and listen to the baby. I was still having contractions, but they were a little further apart at this point. Funnily enough, I often have one just as I'm lying back on the table and the nurse always comments about how "that's the baby". I don't have the heart to tell her that no, it's actually my uterus (it's doing the same thing this time as last, when I get a contraction it's all bunched up on my right side). Anyway the doc showed up a few minutes later, took a swab and checked my cervix. Long and closed, as I had suspected, but it was nice to have the confirmation. So off home I went.
I have noticed a lot more contractions today, including an almost constant one the whole time I was walking back from lunch. I think I must have just hit the point where my uterus is saying okay it's time to get ready now. Hopefully I'll be able to continue to manage the contractions just by drinking and lying down when needed (I did spend another few minutes on my floor today when I was tired of the effort).
Interestingly, when I was at the gym this morning doing my little weight lifting routine, I didn't notice any contractions at all. Perhaps I need to stop working! ;-)
*******************
I have been lucky so far this pregnancy not to have experienced the series of contractions that I did starting at 25 weeks in my first pg. I've had plenty of sporadic contractions, to be sure - I noticed them starting at about 12 weeks. But nothing serial, that lying down or drinking wouldn't fix. Until yesterday that is. They started at about 12:45, I actually noticed them while I was standing in line to get lunch. And they continued. And continued. About every five minutes apart. I hadn't had much to drink since the morning, so I swigged about 20oz of water, and lay down on the floor of my office for a bit. Nice to have an office, I must say! They did stop while I was lying down, but started back up again as soon as I got up. I tried lying down again for a longer time, and they disappeared again - as long as I was on the floor. I decided to call my doctor's office after about three hours of this - they had been telling me to call if I had more than four in an hour, and at this point I was running at 10-12/hour. I wasn't overly concerned, as these felt just the same as all the other contractions, and I wasn't feeling any other labor-ish symptoms. I was a little annoyed, though, when it took the nurse an hour to call me back! We discussed a little, she eventually said that I should go home and call again later if they were still continuing. I almost agreed to that, but then figured I that at work I was only 5 minutes away, and I'd rather just go in at that point and get checked out than have to deal with going in later in the evening when it would be much more of a trek. She agreed that it would be reasonable for me to come in, so off I trotted.
When I got to the office, I was again kept waiting quite a bit longer than I would have expected. When they finally took me back they followed standard procedure - pee in a cup, weight, BP, and listen to the baby. I was still having contractions, but they were a little further apart at this point. Funnily enough, I often have one just as I'm lying back on the table and the nurse always comments about how "that's the baby". I don't have the heart to tell her that no, it's actually my uterus (it's doing the same thing this time as last, when I get a contraction it's all bunched up on my right side). Anyway the doc showed up a few minutes later, took a swab and checked my cervix. Long and closed, as I had suspected, but it was nice to have the confirmation. So off home I went.
I have noticed a lot more contractions today, including an almost constant one the whole time I was walking back from lunch. I think I must have just hit the point where my uterus is saying okay it's time to get ready now. Hopefully I'll be able to continue to manage the contractions just by drinking and lying down when needed (I did spend another few minutes on my floor today when I was tired of the effort).
Interestingly, when I was at the gym this morning doing my little weight lifting routine, I didn't notice any contractions at all. Perhaps I need to stop working! ;-)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The end.
It's time for me to stop posting here. I have officially kicked hypothalamic amenorrhea's butt. Whupped her to the curb. So I feel like without that, there's really not much to post here anymore. I will continue to post over at my other blog, http://phred-fwed-schweffel.blogspot.com, so if you're interested in following our story, come visit over there.
I will still post HA related things here from time to time, as I come across them in my reading/research. But that will be it. I'm also going to migrate some of the older non-HA related posts over to the other blog as well.
Thank you very very much for all the support, advice, and free shoulders you've provided me over the years! You guys are the best!
I will still post HA related things here from time to time, as I come across them in my reading/research. But that will be it. I'm also going to migrate some of the older non-HA related posts over to the other blog as well.
Thank you very very much for all the support, advice, and free shoulders you've provided me over the years! You guys are the best!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Hypothalamic Amenorrhea Cure???
I started this blog over two years ago, hoping to connect with other women with hypothalamic amenorrhea, hoping to get advice when I was going through treatment, and subsequently, to help those who are struggling today.
I have not been keeping up on the research of late. But, when I was looking for information for a woman I met through the hypothalamic amenorrhea bulletin board at fertilethoughts about whether there was any advantage to using Femara (letrozole) over Clomid, I came across an abstract that I think is quite groundbreaking.
The article, “New protocol of clomiphene citrate treatment in women with hypothalamic amenorrhea”, offers the hope of using Clomid not just for ovulation induction, but to actually restore normal menstrual cycles! I actually purchased the article so I could read the details of the study they performed, to see if I agreed with the conclusions they drew in their abstract, and also whether Clomid was the only treatment used, or if there was concomitant decrease in exercise or increase in weight.
The only drawback of the study was its size – only eight women were treated. However, all eight resumed cycling, and were still cycling six months later! I think that this treatment regimen is incredibly promising for those still struggling.
The study consisted of eight women, five of whom had hypothalamic amenorrhea from excessive exercise, the other three from restrictive eating patterns. (Aside – HA does seem to be due to an energy imbalance – either overexercising, undereating, or a combination of the two. I have been in contact with 25+ other women with HA, almost all of whom (including me) fit this profile). The BMIs of the women in the study were 17.6 to 19.5 – underweight or very low normal weight. Hormone levels were meauserd at the beginning of the study, and were classic HA – low side of normal for e2 (18-25), FSH (2.9+/-0.4), LH(2.3+/-0.3) and progesterone (0.18+/-.2). The age profile is younger than most of us who are TTC – 17-22.
The treatment regimen was 50mg of clomid for five days, followed by five days at 100mg. Ovulation was then assessed by u/s and progesterone mid-luteal phase (with a fairly stringent requirement of >25nmol). Of the eight patients, six of them ovulated and got their period after just one cycle! They subsequently took 100 mg Clomid CD3-7 on the next two cycles. The two women who did not ovulate after the first cycle repeated the initial regiment, and both did ovulate after that.
After the three months on Clomid, all eight women resumed cycling on their own, with no additional medication!!! In addition, there was no change in eating or exercising habits – the deficit in energy caused by overexercising and / or undereating seems to be very strongly correlated with hypothalamic amenorrhea.
For anyone trying to conceive, I would NOT recommend not changing the eating/exercise habits that led to HA – I think it is extremely important that during pregnancy one is not operating at an energy deficit. You would never starve your child after he was born; it is no different to starve them inside the womb. However, I think that particularly for people whose insurance does not cover injectibles, this new regimen is well worth trying.
Three of the women on the fertilethoughts HA board have now tried this regimen, with similar success (although one ovulated on the first cycle and repeated the 10 day regimen with no ovulation the second cycle). Two others have tried a longer clomid protocol than the standard five days, although not quite this regimen, one successful and one not. It seems that it is well worth giving this new regimen a shot before pursuing more aggressive treatment like injectibles. And so far one BFP!
In short, the protocol was as follows:
Bleed induced through bcp (not necessary; two of the women on the FT board did not get a bleed first)
50 mg Clomid CD 3 - 7
100 mg Clomid CD 8 - 12
u/s to check for follicles
I hope that other people in the HA boat find this protocol, and start pushing it with their RE's. The traditional thought is that Clomid does *not* work for women with HA because of the low baseline estrogen levels. But this seems to be different!
I have not been keeping up on the research of late. But, when I was looking for information for a woman I met through the hypothalamic amenorrhea bulletin board at fertilethoughts about whether there was any advantage to using Femara (letrozole) over Clomid, I came across an abstract that I think is quite groundbreaking.
The article, “New protocol of clomiphene citrate treatment in women with hypothalamic amenorrhea”, offers the hope of using Clomid not just for ovulation induction, but to actually restore normal menstrual cycles! I actually purchased the article so I could read the details of the study they performed, to see if I agreed with the conclusions they drew in their abstract, and also whether Clomid was the only treatment used, or if there was concomitant decrease in exercise or increase in weight.
The only drawback of the study was its size – only eight women were treated. However, all eight resumed cycling, and were still cycling six months later! I think that this treatment regimen is incredibly promising for those still struggling.
The study consisted of eight women, five of whom had hypothalamic amenorrhea from excessive exercise, the other three from restrictive eating patterns. (Aside – HA does seem to be due to an energy imbalance – either overexercising, undereating, or a combination of the two. I have been in contact with 25+ other women with HA, almost all of whom (including me) fit this profile). The BMIs of the women in the study were 17.6 to 19.5 – underweight or very low normal weight. Hormone levels were meauserd at the beginning of the study, and were classic HA – low side of normal for e2 (18-25), FSH (2.9+/-0.4), LH(2.3+/-0.3) and progesterone (0.18+/-.2). The age profile is younger than most of us who are TTC – 17-22.
The treatment regimen was 50mg of clomid for five days, followed by five days at 100mg. Ovulation was then assessed by u/s and progesterone mid-luteal phase (with a fairly stringent requirement of >25nmol). Of the eight patients, six of them ovulated and got their period after just one cycle! They subsequently took 100 mg Clomid CD3-7 on the next two cycles. The two women who did not ovulate after the first cycle repeated the initial regiment, and both did ovulate after that.
After the three months on Clomid, all eight women resumed cycling on their own, with no additional medication!!! In addition, there was no change in eating or exercising habits – the deficit in energy caused by overexercising and / or undereating seems to be very strongly correlated with hypothalamic amenorrhea.
For anyone trying to conceive, I would NOT recommend not changing the eating/exercise habits that led to HA – I think it is extremely important that during pregnancy one is not operating at an energy deficit. You would never starve your child after he was born; it is no different to starve them inside the womb. However, I think that particularly for people whose insurance does not cover injectibles, this new regimen is well worth trying.
Three of the women on the fertilethoughts HA board have now tried this regimen, with similar success (although one ovulated on the first cycle and repeated the 10 day regimen with no ovulation the second cycle). Two others have tried a longer clomid protocol than the standard five days, although not quite this regimen, one successful and one not. It seems that it is well worth giving this new regimen a shot before pursuing more aggressive treatment like injectibles. And so far one BFP!
In short, the protocol was as follows:
Bleed induced through bcp (not necessary; two of the women on the FT board did not get a bleed first)
50 mg Clomid CD 3 - 7
100 mg Clomid CD 8 - 12
u/s to check for follicles
I hope that other people in the HA boat find this protocol, and start pushing it with their RE's. The traditional thought is that Clomid does *not* work for women with HA because of the low baseline estrogen levels. But this seems to be different!
Friday, January 11, 2008
non-pregnant? not exactly!
I was feeling very non-pregnant this 2ww. No cramping 6-8dpo, no sore legs during hockey, no strange temperature feelings showering... basically none of the things that clued me in that something might be going on when I was pg with Ant, or last cycle with my chem pg. I was holding out until 14dpo to test after the debacle that was my last cycle as well. I was 95% convinced until yesterday (13dpo) that it would be negative.
Yesterday my temp was up 0.2 in the am, after what I thought at the time could have been an implantation dip on Monday although hard to tell. That was my first inkling. Then, I started having minor cramping throughout the day. I almost wished I had tested so that I wouldn't have my hopes raised only to be dashed today when I did test.
But they weren't. Dashed that is. I got a lovely perfect positive, with the test line in fact darker than the control line. Holy shit, sherlock!
I thought the best way to let M know would be to leave the test out on the counter in the bathroom (on top of the box, so it was obvious what it was). He is such a man - he was in there alone for five minutes before I joined him, when he asked, "So, did you test"
Yesterday my temp was up 0.2 in the am, after what I thought at the time could have been an implantation dip on Monday although hard to tell. That was my first inkling. Then, I started having minor cramping throughout the day. I almost wished I had tested so that I wouldn't have my hopes raised only to be dashed today when I did test.
But they weren't. Dashed that is. I got a lovely perfect positive, with the test line in fact darker than the control line. Holy shit, sherlock!
I thought the best way to let M know would be to leave the test out on the counter in the bathroom (on top of the box, so it was obvious what it was). He is such a man - he was in there alone for five minutes before I joined him, when he asked, "So, did you test"
Friday, January 04, 2008
Splitting
I've been thinking about moving my posts about Ant to another blog for a while, and have finally put that plan into action. I'll keep talking about HA / TTC stuff here, and post about Ant at my new blog, http://phred-fwed-schweffel.blogspot.com. You can read all about the origins of the name over there, if you care to. I still just don't feel 100% comfortable posting about him and his antics here - I feel much better about it in a totally new place.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Knock me over with a feather.
Based on my previous few cycles, I was anticipating ovulating this cycle somewhere around 1/9, which would be CD28. And I had ultrasounds scheduled for CD15, 20 and 25 to take a look and see how my follicle(s) were developing, my lining, that kind of stuff. I haven't been temping or OPKing or anything, I figured that the u/s would tell me what I needed to know and I didn't need to bother being anal. Starting monday, though, I was getting a fair bit of EW so I thought I'd do some OPKs, just in case. Tuesday's was negative as expected. I was absolutely convinced I still had two weeks to go. But, when I tested on Wednesday, I got a postive. And not just any old positive, the most positive positive I've ever seen. The test line was markedly darker than the control line which has never happened before. ON CD14!!!! Which means if I follow my usual pattern, I will actually O tomorrow. CD16. NORMAL!
One can never know why these things happen, of course, but I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that my ass has not gotten to the gym at all in the past three weeks. I usually lift weights 2x/week, but haven't managed what with the snow and babysitter illness and all. Perhaps my system really is that sensitive???
One can never know why these things happen, of course, but I'm wondering if it has anything to do with the fact that my ass has not gotten to the gym at all in the past three weeks. I usually lift weights 2x/week, but haven't managed what with the snow and babysitter illness and all. Perhaps my system really is that sensitive???
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Whew!
I had my hysteroscopy on Thursday. I was imagining three possible outcomes: no polyp at all, a small one that could be removed then and there, or a larger one that we'd need to schedule another surgery for. I was fully prepared for option 3 given the general cussedness of the universe. Because I was expecting that, when they got the scope in there and there was nothing except a perfect uterus and tubes, I was totally astonished! The doctor said that what was on the HSG was just an artifact - which is why they do the HSC to confirm. What a nice surprise!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The bitch is in the house.
The crimson bitch showed up on Thursday, 17dpo. It really is amazing what progesterone does to my LP - to go from 7/8 days to 17 with one little yellow thing pushed up my clacker each night is really pretty impressive.
I have my HSC scheduled for Thursday, where we'll get a better idea of whether I really do have a polyp and what we might do about it (I am so hoping that it can just be removed then and there and I don't have to schedule a separate surgery for it).
Then the following Thursday I have my first u/s to see how my follicle is growing, and whether the fact that I don't ovulate until ~CD28 is okay because my system is just getting a late start, or if it's not okay because really my follicle is growing perfectly well but just marinating in its own juices for two extra weeks. It seems like the former is perfectly fine in terms of egg quality, whereas the latter - not so much.
In the meantime, it turns out that the new insurance I have through M (his company got bought out in July of this year) covers infertility treatments at 70%, but only if you go to one of their "centers of excellence". Which my current clinic is not. So I have to figure out A) if it really is worth it for me to try clomid, B) if clomid and the associated monitoring are considered "infertility treatment", and C) if the new clinic will even see me given that I am actually cycling and haven't been trying for the requisite amount of time. A very wise woman I was talking to about this suggested that cycles > 35 days are NOT normal and should definitely qualify for treatment before the one year period is up - I think it's a good argument, but that doesn't always mean that the bureaucrats will agree!
I finally spoke to my sister this past Friday, and I called her, not the other way 'round. She didn't ask about me at all (I was calling to say that I didn't think it was going to work for us to look after my niece this weekend). She did call me back and leave a message a few minutes later admitting that she was a bad sister because she hadn't mentioned anything. I didn't catch her when I called the next time, but left a message saying that it wasn't good news, and that she should call me. I ended up calling her later in the evening when I hadn't heard anything, and we talked for all of five minutes, because she had to go and put her new baby down. I was practically in tears while talking to her - mostly because I'm sad that despite my hopes to the contrary, we are going through (as Emma aptly termed it), infertility 2.0. I get that it wasn't a good time for her to talk. What I don't get is why she couldn't fucking call me back. It is making me really sad, because I can guarantee you that if our roles were reversed, I would have made a lot more time for her than that.
I have my HSC scheduled for Thursday, where we'll get a better idea of whether I really do have a polyp and what we might do about it (I am so hoping that it can just be removed then and there and I don't have to schedule a separate surgery for it).
Then the following Thursday I have my first u/s to see how my follicle is growing, and whether the fact that I don't ovulate until ~CD28 is okay because my system is just getting a late start, or if it's not okay because really my follicle is growing perfectly well but just marinating in its own juices for two extra weeks. It seems like the former is perfectly fine in terms of egg quality, whereas the latter - not so much.
In the meantime, it turns out that the new insurance I have through M (his company got bought out in July of this year) covers infertility treatments at 70%, but only if you go to one of their "centers of excellence". Which my current clinic is not. So I have to figure out A) if it really is worth it for me to try clomid, B) if clomid and the associated monitoring are considered "infertility treatment", and C) if the new clinic will even see me given that I am actually cycling and haven't been trying for the requisite amount of time. A very wise woman I was talking to about this suggested that cycles > 35 days are NOT normal and should definitely qualify for treatment before the one year period is up - I think it's a good argument, but that doesn't always mean that the bureaucrats will agree!
I finally spoke to my sister this past Friday, and I called her, not the other way 'round. She didn't ask about me at all (I was calling to say that I didn't think it was going to work for us to look after my niece this weekend). She did call me back and leave a message a few minutes later admitting that she was a bad sister because she hadn't mentioned anything. I didn't catch her when I called the next time, but left a message saying that it wasn't good news, and that she should call me. I ended up calling her later in the evening when I hadn't heard anything, and we talked for all of five minutes, because she had to go and put her new baby down. I was practically in tears while talking to her - mostly because I'm sad that despite my hopes to the contrary, we are going through (as Emma aptly termed it), infertility 2.0. I get that it wasn't a good time for her to talk. What I don't get is why she couldn't fucking call me back. It is making me really sad, because I can guarantee you that if our roles were reversed, I would have made a lot more time for her than that.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Apricot white chip cookies (updated)!
I'm a little late for Jenn's second annual cookie exchange - but I figured better late than never.
Ingredients:
2 1/2c all purpose flour (9oz, 360g) (or use half whole wheat white flour)
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt
3/4c butter, softened (6oz, 240g)
1c packed light brown sugar (5oz, 200g)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 egg
2c white chocolate chips (12oz, 500g)
1c chopped almonds (4oz, 150g)
1c apricot preserves (8oz, 300g)
Preheat oven to 350F (175C)
Toast the almonds until browned, once the oven is heated.
While the oven heats / almonds toast:
Cream the butter and sugar until smooth.
Mix flour, baking soda and salt in a separate bowl.
Beat the egg and vanilla into the creamed sugar.
Mix in the apricot preserves until incorporated
Stir in the flour mix until incorporated.
Add in white chips, almonds.
Drop dough by rounded teaspoons onto a cookie sheet (silicone etc. recommended!).
Bake for 10-15 minutes, until golden brown.
I also made a few without the white chocolate chips - a bit less sweet, but also a very nice combination. I love these cookies! Pretty quick to make, and absolutely divine!
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Definitely NOT something.
I went and bought a real test today, and it was the usual snowy white I am used to seeing. So perhaps there was an attempt at something, but it just didn't get very far.
I'm mostly okay. Hell, I get to get sloshed on NYE, that's a positive, right? I can drink a bottle of wine at Xmas, and at the parties we're going to next week. All good.
What I can't stop thinking about though is a comment my mom made to me when I told her a few months ago that we were trying again. The background for this is that she firmly believes that three years is the ideal separation for kids, and it took her a good long while to show any enthusisasm for my sister's latest pregnancy (a fucking "OOPS" pregnancy no less) where her kids are just over two years apart. I figured I would tell her that we were trying so hopefully she wouldn't be as shocked if we made an announcement. What she said to me was "I hope it doesn't happen too quickly".
She has gotten her wish. Not too quickly. *I* just wish she could be a little more supportive. First of all, I am three years older now than she was when she had my younger sister. And, given that we did not concieve quickly the first time, I would think she could say something like "I hope you don't have as much trouble as you did before!". But no.
And then there's my sister. I know that she doesn't get it because she had no trouble falling pregnant with her daughter, and clearly no trouble this time around. But still, I would like it if occasionally, just occasionally she would actually just call and ask how I'm doing. I called her yesterday to tell her about my faintest of faint lines - if the situation were reversed I can guarantee that I would have called her today to see if there was more news, either positive or negative. But have I heard from her? Not a peep. I don't really think that is a lot to ask.
I know that I am preaching to the choir here. Not that I would wish infertility on anyone, but in some ways I think that if everyone had to experience at least having to actually try for a few months before getting pregnant, that there would be a bit more sympathy and understanding out there. Especially from your own fucking family.
I'm mostly okay. Hell, I get to get sloshed on NYE, that's a positive, right? I can drink a bottle of wine at Xmas, and at the parties we're going to next week. All good.
What I can't stop thinking about though is a comment my mom made to me when I told her a few months ago that we were trying again. The background for this is that she firmly believes that three years is the ideal separation for kids, and it took her a good long while to show any enthusisasm for my sister's latest pregnancy (a fucking "OOPS" pregnancy no less) where her kids are just over two years apart. I figured I would tell her that we were trying so hopefully she wouldn't be as shocked if we made an announcement. What she said to me was "I hope it doesn't happen too quickly".
She has gotten her wish. Not too quickly. *I* just wish she could be a little more supportive. First of all, I am three years older now than she was when she had my younger sister. And, given that we did not concieve quickly the first time, I would think she could say something like "I hope you don't have as much trouble as you did before!". But no.
And then there's my sister. I know that she doesn't get it because she had no trouble falling pregnant with her daughter, and clearly no trouble this time around. But still, I would like it if occasionally, just occasionally she would actually just call and ask how I'm doing. I called her yesterday to tell her about my faintest of faint lines - if the situation were reversed I can guarantee that I would have called her today to see if there was more news, either positive or negative. But have I heard from her? Not a peep. I don't really think that is a lot to ask.
I know that I am preaching to the choir here. Not that I would wish infertility on anyone, but in some ways I think that if everyone had to experience at least having to actually try for a few months before getting pregnant, that there would be a bit more sympathy and understanding out there. Especially from your own fucking family.
Something? Not something?
I finally O'ed this cycle on CD27 again. Gotta love a four week wait. And since I seem to acquire pimples that correspond with my follicle recruitment of which I appear to have three waves, I spend the majority of that four weeks slathering my face with all the zit creams I can lay my hands on. Lovely.
At 8 dpo I went for my followup appt with my RE. She did an u/s, which showed a nice triple stripe, 8mm thick lining, which she said was showing no signs of going anywhere anytime soon. Yay for progesterone! She agreed that we could give clomid a try (the hospital does not do aromatase inhibitors as the indication is not approved by the FDA), but the final diagnosis from my HSG was that I seem to have a polyp, so before any treatment they want to do an HSC and possibly surgery to remove it. Any thoughts on this? I'm not really a big fan of surgery if I don't need it. I did ask about whether she would want to do anything if I am in fact lucky enough to be pg, and she said no. So I'm not really sure why we'd need to do something if I'm not. Have to think on that.
I have a bunch of pg tests that I got with the OPKs I ordered online. I started testing at 9dpo, because I was feeling so many of the symptoms I had when pg with Ant. Cramping from 6-8 dpo, more tired while playing hockey, a bizarre dream, waking up totally sweaty (lovely, I know!). 9, 10 and 11 dpo tests were all negative. 12 dpo was too. But when I went back and looked at it a while later, there was the faintest of faint second lines! Something? Not something? Not really sure. I know the instructions say not to read it after ten minutes, but really, who listens to that? None of the tests from previous days had any inkling of a second line.
So I was somewhat hopeful. Today's test, though, was even lighter than yesterday's, if that is even possible. So I'm thinking this is a 'chemical' pg. Although on the other hand, my temp has been bouncing around 98 the past week and today went up to 98.6. I guess time will tell...
At 8 dpo I went for my followup appt with my RE. She did an u/s, which showed a nice triple stripe, 8mm thick lining, which she said was showing no signs of going anywhere anytime soon. Yay for progesterone! She agreed that we could give clomid a try (the hospital does not do aromatase inhibitors as the indication is not approved by the FDA), but the final diagnosis from my HSG was that I seem to have a polyp, so before any treatment they want to do an HSC and possibly surgery to remove it. Any thoughts on this? I'm not really a big fan of surgery if I don't need it. I did ask about whether she would want to do anything if I am in fact lucky enough to be pg, and she said no. So I'm not really sure why we'd need to do something if I'm not. Have to think on that.
I have a bunch of pg tests that I got with the OPKs I ordered online. I started testing at 9dpo, because I was feeling so many of the symptoms I had when pg with Ant. Cramping from 6-8 dpo, more tired while playing hockey, a bizarre dream, waking up totally sweaty (lovely, I know!). 9, 10 and 11 dpo tests were all negative. 12 dpo was too. But when I went back and looked at it a while later, there was the faintest of faint second lines! Something? Not something? Not really sure. I know the instructions say not to read it after ten minutes, but really, who listens to that? None of the tests from previous days had any inkling of a second line.
So I was somewhat hopeful. Today's test, though, was even lighter than yesterday's, if that is even possible. So I'm thinking this is a 'chemical' pg. Although on the other hand, my temp has been bouncing around 98 the past week and today went up to 98.6. I guess time will tell...
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Uterine update #1
I had my HSG today - okay news, but not great. One of my tubes appears to be blocked - the dye wouldn't go into that part of my uterus at all. The radiologist said that it could be that my uterus was spasming during the test and that's why - or it could be blocked. As one tends to ovulate from alternating sides, it likely means we'll only have a shot of getting pg every other month. And I'm pretty sure I O'ed from my right side (good tube) last month. So I think this month is likely going to be fruitless. Not that we won't try anyway, but not terribly hopeful. :-(
Should hear back from my doc tomorrow on scheduling u/s throughout my cycle (currently CD14 with snowy white OPKs), so hopefully we'll get some good news from those!
Should hear back from my doc tomorrow on scheduling u/s throughout my cycle (currently CD14 with snowy white OPKs), so hopefully we'll get some good news from those!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
And the reproductive endocringologist says...
We can go to injections probably starting next cycle.
I was totally taken aback. I was expecting at least a few months of lower intervention treatments before pulling out those guns again.
Needless to say, I am SO not going there, for a good long while. I had four failed injectibles cycles, thank you very much, so why exactly do we think all of a sudden this will work?
I am cycling on my own, despite their not being textbook cycles (okay, fairly far from textbook with the late ovulation AND short LPs), but I feel like we should be able to work with that.
What surprised me was that Dr. C. didn't seem to think that anything had changed with my HA status despite the fact that I AM cycling now. She still said that she didn't think that Clomid would do anything, based on my low e2 and LH levels from before. (b/w this time: e2=32, FSH 6.4, LH 3.2 - e2 is about what it was BA, LH is almost double, which I think is a good sign?)
She's doing a full IF workup on me, bloodwork, HSG scheduled for next week mostly because I had a C-section with Ant to check for adhesions, and bloodwork and SA for M as well. Also u/s throughout my cycle to see what's going on. Then we'll meet again on 12/4 to discuss.
She doesn't believe in LPD, which I've heard from a number of other sources, rather that it's a follicular phase defect - which makes a lot of sense to me. And is indicated by my rather long follicular phase (21 and 28 days so far, 8 and counting this cycle). So the u/s will hopefully help figure out whether my follicles are just not maturing properly, or if they are mature but there are problems with the corpus luteum.
I did manage to score some progesterone to use in my LP. I'm hoping that does the trick, and I won't need anything else.
I really thought that I had this fricking thing kicked.
I was totally taken aback. I was expecting at least a few months of lower intervention treatments before pulling out those guns again.
Needless to say, I am SO not going there, for a good long while. I had four failed injectibles cycles, thank you very much, so why exactly do we think all of a sudden this will work?
I am cycling on my own, despite their not being textbook cycles (okay, fairly far from textbook with the late ovulation AND short LPs), but I feel like we should be able to work with that.
What surprised me was that Dr. C. didn't seem to think that anything had changed with my HA status despite the fact that I AM cycling now. She still said that she didn't think that Clomid would do anything, based on my low e2 and LH levels from before. (b/w this time: e2=32, FSH 6.4, LH 3.2 - e2 is about what it was BA, LH is almost double, which I think is a good sign?)
She's doing a full IF workup on me, bloodwork, HSG scheduled for next week mostly because I had a C-section with Ant to check for adhesions, and bloodwork and SA for M as well. Also u/s throughout my cycle to see what's going on. Then we'll meet again on 12/4 to discuss.
She doesn't believe in LPD, which I've heard from a number of other sources, rather that it's a follicular phase defect - which makes a lot of sense to me. And is indicated by my rather long follicular phase (21 and 28 days so far, 8 and counting this cycle). So the u/s will hopefully help figure out whether my follicles are just not maturing properly, or if they are mature but there are problems with the corpus luteum.
I did manage to score some progesterone to use in my LP. I'm hoping that does the trick, and I won't need anything else.
I really thought that I had this fricking thing kicked.
Frustration
Every now and again we have a day that just makes me crazy. And they have been coming more and more often in recent weeks.
It's a combination of things: Ant having a fair number of words, but not for everything he wants to do, becoming less interested in his toys and more interested in general household items, and our not having been very good about saying 'no' to him, setting up expectations.
We spent a lot of time yesterday with me being the mommy taxi, him pointing at the spice cupboard or the clean dishes or the refrigerator saying "eh eh eh eh eh", me responding "what do you WANT???" followed by "no, that's not a good idea" when I finally managed to figure it out, and him screaming.
And then I was working during his naps, so no downtime. AND he woke up at the ungodly (these days) hour of 5:05 ante-meridian. This time change just freaking sucks. HSHHC saying that putting them to bed later does not mean a later wake up time is definitely true, much to my chagrin. On top of that, we were cooped up inside all day because it was pouring and cold outside. Yuck.
Anyway, all of that combined to make me just about ready to tear my hair out by the end of the day. I was SO glad to see M when he got home! Just a phase, I keep telling myself. Just a phase.
It's a combination of things: Ant having a fair number of words, but not for everything he wants to do, becoming less interested in his toys and more interested in general household items, and our not having been very good about saying 'no' to him, setting up expectations.
We spent a lot of time yesterday with me being the mommy taxi, him pointing at the spice cupboard or the clean dishes or the refrigerator saying "eh eh eh eh eh", me responding "what do you WANT???" followed by "no, that's not a good idea" when I finally managed to figure it out, and him screaming.
And then I was working during his naps, so no downtime. AND he woke up at the ungodly (these days) hour of 5:05 ante-meridian. This time change just freaking sucks. HSHHC saying that putting them to bed later does not mean a later wake up time is definitely true, much to my chagrin. On top of that, we were cooped up inside all day because it was pouring and cold outside. Yuck.
Anyway, all of that combined to make me just about ready to tear my hair out by the end of the day. I was SO glad to see M when he got home! Just a phase, I keep telling myself. Just a phase.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
We're off to see the RE
The fat lady just sang a big old aria in the keys of A and F. A measly eight days after I *finally* ovulated, on CD28. I got a heads up yesterday because my temp dropped, so I called my RE's office. I had been debating about it shortly before I finally O'ed - given that my cycle does not seem to be trending towards normal, I think it's time to call in the cavalry. I was lucky enough to get an appointment for Friday, which I was really hoping for so that I could do something about this upcoming cycle. I would like to walk away from that appointment with a prescription in my hot little hands for Clomid or Femara to help me O earlier, and progesterone to help with the LP. We'll see.
I already knew how very, incredibly lucky I was to get pregnant with Ant, these irregular cycles make me appreciate it even more. The decision I made on that natural cycle to use the progesterone just in case, seems now to be likely the thing that made all the difference.
I already knew how very, incredibly lucky I was to get pregnant with Ant, these irregular cycles make me appreciate it even more. The decision I made on that natural cycle to use the progesterone just in case, seems now to be likely the thing that made all the difference.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Finally!!!
I was completely convinced on Sunday that I was not going to O this cycle until something ridiculous like CD42. My CM apparently dried up, my temp was that of a person near death (96.6), and my OPK was negative.
I wasn't even going to do another OPK on Monday, CM was still practically nonexistent, but a friend from the HA board said that I really should because you just never know. My OPK from the day before had appeared a bit darker, but that just seemed like the pattern I'd already observed twice before this cycle.
So... I peed on another stick on Monday. To my complete astonishment, it was an almost positive. And as I had had a lot to drink and gone to the bathroom 2.5 hours before, I figured that was good enough.
Temping confirmed my O (my THIRD!!!) on Monday or perhaps Tuesday. CD 27/28. About flipping time :-)
So now I'm in my second first 2ww. Not expecting much, but having a smidgen of hope.
I wasn't even going to do another OPK on Monday, CM was still practically nonexistent, but a friend from the HA board said that I really should because you just never know. My OPK from the day before had appeared a bit darker, but that just seemed like the pattern I'd already observed twice before this cycle.
So... I peed on another stick on Monday. To my complete astonishment, it was an almost positive. And as I had had a lot to drink and gone to the bathroom 2.5 hours before, I figured that was good enough.
Temping confirmed my O (my THIRD!!!) on Monday or perhaps Tuesday. CD 27/28. About flipping time :-)
So now I'm in my second first 2ww. Not expecting much, but having a smidgen of hope.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Now for something completely different
My mom is an avid gardener, and has stocked my little plot with numerous interesting plants over the years we've live here. Her latest offering were some dahlias that friends of hers who own a nursery were giving away to loving homes. I adore them, they are flowering at this time of year when there isn't much else of interest in the garden. And I think they are incredibly beautiful blossoms. So I thought I'd share.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Not-so-rose-tinted glasses
I am so flipping frustrated with my stupid body. I do believe I have the hypothalamic amenorrhea kicked. What I don't have kicked is totally irregular cycles. I have had a visit from the crimson bitch twice since I stopped BFing. The first time was four days after I ovulated, right as BFing ended. The second was 29 days later - 8 days after a CD21 O. I remember having had somewhat long cycles back from when I was a teenager, before any birth control, so I figured, okay, I'm going to O on around CD21... slightly longer than normal, but I can manage that.
So then we decide we're ready to ttc again. I should have known that was a recipe for my body going haywire. I started having EWCM on CD 8 this cycle. I was totally surprised - pleasantly so, thinking that maybe I'd actually O around CD14 and be normal. That dried up a couple of days later. No big deal.
Then it started again, CD13 this time. At this point, my 'no temping no OPKing' idea went out of the window. I was obsessing way more about whether I was going to O or not that I would using those things. So I started charting. This round of EW lasted for three days, then dried up again. So much for a normal length cycle.
Third time's the charm, right? My latest round of EW started on Monday, that's FIVE days ago - and still no positive OPK. Nor a temp rise, so it's not as if I O'ed and just didn't catch the surge. I am currently CD24, with no end in sight.
When I got pregnant with Ant, I O'ed on CD42. I thought, at the time, that it was so late because it was my first natural cycle in oh, forever. Now I'm rethinking that. Perhaps that is normal for me? I *wish* that I had paid attention when I was a teenager so I'd have a better idea of what to expect now.
I had set my baseline expectation at CD21 based on last cycle, but perhaps I should not anticipate O'ing until CD42 and then I'll feel less frustrated. I just wish I knew what was going on with all this egg-white. I'm almost getting to the point where I want to call my RE and see if I can go in for an u/s just to see what things are looking like inside. Do I have a decent sized follicle, that I could just take a trigger shot for? Or am I trundling along, follicle-less, and my hypothalamus is just playing tricks on me?
Damn, I *hate* not being in control, not knowing what is going on.
So then we decide we're ready to ttc again. I should have known that was a recipe for my body going haywire. I started having EWCM on CD 8 this cycle. I was totally surprised - pleasantly so, thinking that maybe I'd actually O around CD14 and be normal. That dried up a couple of days later. No big deal.
Then it started again, CD13 this time. At this point, my 'no temping no OPKing' idea went out of the window. I was obsessing way more about whether I was going to O or not that I would using those things. So I started charting. This round of EW lasted for three days, then dried up again. So much for a normal length cycle.
Third time's the charm, right? My latest round of EW started on Monday, that's FIVE days ago - and still no positive OPK. Nor a temp rise, so it's not as if I O'ed and just didn't catch the surge. I am currently CD24, with no end in sight.
When I got pregnant with Ant, I O'ed on CD42. I thought, at the time, that it was so late because it was my first natural cycle in oh, forever. Now I'm rethinking that. Perhaps that is normal for me? I *wish* that I had paid attention when I was a teenager so I'd have a better idea of what to expect now.
I had set my baseline expectation at CD21 based on last cycle, but perhaps I should not anticipate O'ing until CD42 and then I'll feel less frustrated. I just wish I knew what was going on with all this egg-white. I'm almost getting to the point where I want to call my RE and see if I can go in for an u/s just to see what things are looking like inside. Do I have a decent sized follicle, that I could just take a trigger shot for? Or am I trundling along, follicle-less, and my hypothalamus is just playing tricks on me?
Damn, I *hate* not being in control, not knowing what is going on.
Friday, October 05, 2007
It's official
The proverbial goalie has been pulled. We are no longer doing anything to prevent pregnancy, so we are officially 'trying'. I'm in such a different space than I was in 2005 when we were attempting to get pregnant with the baby who turned out to be Ant.
I'm actually cycling! They may not be perfect (late O and 5 and 8 day LP's so far), but I have had two visits from the crimson bitch.
I'm approximately 16 pounds heavier.
I'm exercising about 1/4 as much.
I have my libido back after many, many years absence - wooo-hooo!
I am trying not to let my type A side take charge - no temping, no OPKs.
Finding it so much easier to interact with my pregnant sister (she was pregnant when we were ttc Ant as well - *hard*)
Experiencing the optimistim that most people have when they decide to try and concieve their first baby. (I knew I had problems pretty much from the get-go last time.)
Hoping that I can keep these rose colored glasses on!
I'm actually cycling! They may not be perfect (late O and 5 and 8 day LP's so far), but I have had two visits from the crimson bitch.
I'm approximately 16 pounds heavier.
I'm exercising about 1/4 as much.
I have my libido back after many, many years absence - wooo-hooo!
I am trying not to let my type A side take charge - no temping, no OPKs.
Finding it so much easier to interact with my pregnant sister (she was pregnant when we were ttc Ant as well - *hard*)
Experiencing the optimistim that most people have when they decide to try and concieve their first baby. (I knew I had problems pretty much from the get-go last time.)
Hoping that I can keep these rose colored glasses on!
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