This is one stubborn kid!

No luck with the flipping today.

We started with another u/s to do a biophysical profile, as well as confirm Phred's position. I was thinking after the last u/s that calling Phred "complete breech" wasn't quite right, because all the pics you can find by googling show that as the head towards the top of the uterus, the spine basically lined up with your spine, then the baby in a cross-legged position. Phred is in a much more transverse like position, with the head over on my right, spine along the top of my uterus, then feet down near my cervix. Although all the websites seem to say that a transverse baby has their back / shoulder against the cervix. So Phred is upside down transverse. M was joking that it's because I was born in the Southern hemisphere, so all we would need to do is go back there to get our phlip.

I was really hopeful - the u/s tech said that there's plenty of fluid, and Phred is nowhere near engaged, so I figured it would be a snap to get a nice big phlip. Well, not so much. There were two docs there, one pushing up and out of the cervix on Phred's bum, and the other pushing down on the head/back. After the first attempt, although they were pushing down, somehow Phred ended up more like a complete breech. Then back to transverse, complete breech, and back to transverse again. Which was when they decided enough was enough, and it wasn't going to work.

They told me I was a real trooper, and took it much better than most. I figured if I couldn't stand this for 10 minutes, there was no way I could manage labor! As others have said, it wasn't exactly painful, but it was also next to impossible to relax. I did find that concentrating on my breathing helped a lot. But yes, it was mighty uncomfortable. I am definitely glad that we at least gave it a shot!

So anyway, now they want to schedule a c-section for 39.5 weeks (8/30 or 31). In a way, at least, I'm glad that Phred is transverse, because even the anti c-section books say that one cannot deliver a transverse baby vaginally, so I don't have to wonder if I should go out and try and find a practitioner who would let me deliver a breech baby.

I'm really torn as to what to do. Go ahead and schedule? Or tell them that I'm not going to, and wait until I go into labor on my own? I know that I had said in my earlier post that I would wait... but honestly I really thought that something would work, at least the version, and I wouldn't be faced with that choice. (Kinda like how I said before IF that if it didn't happen naturally that was the way it was supposed to be. HAHAHA)

Here are the pros and cons of a scheduled c-section as I see them:
Pro #1: Doctor feels it's safer than going into labor, as (especially given I've been contracting for so long) I may not recognize the labor until I'm well into it. Pro #2: Phred is born in August, which means we get a choice of which year to send him/her to school. Pro #3: Easier c-section when I'm not in labor? (must research this one a bit). Pro #4: Labor with a transverse baby can cause cord prolapse if the waters break, and uterine rupture if the labor lasts for a while. Con #1: I don't get to experience any true labor, which you may call me crazy for, but I was actually looking forward to. But then again they probably wouldn't want me to get far enough into it that I'd feel much anyway. Con #2: Phred may want to cook for longer - who am I to say that he/she is ready now? Especially as I was two weeks late myself, and refused to be induced 10 days before that. However, with basically zero pressure on my cervix, chances are that I'd go late just because of that and nothing really to do with how ready Phred is. Con #3: Less time for Phred to flip naturally, as slim as that chance may be, it's zero once I've had the section. Just found an abstract from 1990 that stated that 24/29 patients with a transverse lie at 37 weeks spontaneously converted by the time they went into labor, with 15 of those vertex. That's actually better odds than I was expecting. But the same paper says to perform version at 39 weeks and if not successful, c-section based on "major morbidity associated with expectant management of these patients".

Is there anything I'm not thinking of, either pro or con? What would you do? Yes, I am soliciting advice, opinions, and anything in between. I really can't make up my mind one way or the other at the moment. It probably doesn't help that I feel somewhat gypped by all this. As I said, I really was looking forward to labor and delivery, and I'm sad that I'm most likely not going to experience much if any of it. I know that once Phred is born I probably won't care one bit, but right now I'm a bit down in the dumps.

Version, fliperoo, whatever - let's just hope it works!

No dice with the acupuncture / moxibustion. (Supposed to heat up the "line" going through my uterus, causing the baby to be agitated and move more... one of the possible results of which is flipping over, and such effects have actually been documented in the medical literature). So I'm headed over to the hospital in about 15 minutes to try the ECV.

I really, really REALLY want it to work! Any turning over, somersaulting, flipping thoughts that you can send our way in the next couple of hours will be much appreciated.

Of course, one of the possibilities is that if something goes wrong (e.g. placental abruption, 0.5% chance) I may have an emergency c-section, and Phred's birthday could be today. That thought is a little overwhelming!

Phlipping? Not so much.

Our first attempt at moxibustion was on Saturday. It was interesting, basically my acu lit a coal of some kind of herb, and burned it next to my pinky toes for 15 min each. It wasn't painful at all, somewhat to my surprise. And it did do something - almost as soon as she brought it close to my toe, my face got really warm. But as far as encouraging Phred to be more active and/or flip, I'm dubious on the first, and the second certainly did not occur.

We're going to try again this evening, this time I'm going to ask her to use needles as well, based on a couple of papers that I found that used both. She wouldn't do it until I was 37 weeks, though, and most of the papers about it seem to suggest that it be done between 33 and 35 weeks, so it may be too late. (Which really irks me because I had an appointment with her where I was expecting her to try it, at 35 weeks, but she said she wanted to wait because "it could induce labor".) There's also another paper that I found that suggested doing it every day for two whole weeks! Why can't people just agree on a procedure, instead of there being umpteen variations so you can never be sure that your practitioner is doing it "right"?

Speaking of doing it right, I'm not seeing the chiro anymore - when I originally mentioned that I was going to try someone versed in the "Webster technique" for turning babies, one of the commenters mentioned that she had it done, and that the chiro didn't need to touch her belly for it. And then I read the same thing somewhere else. Well this chiro, although she was listed as a chiropractor trained in the technique WAS using her hands on my belly, and it just made me uncomfortable. Although not enough that I didn't go a few times, but it just seems like she wasn't following the technique properly either. GAH!

I'm still keeping hope that tonight's acu/moxi will work, but if not, I have a version scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. If THAT doesn't work either, I'll see if I can find another chiro around here who's Webster certified... and actually spend a little more time talking to him/her to ensure that they'll be doing what I expect they should, instead of blindly going along with it.

Update on the u/s journal article

Despite USA today saying that the article regarding the effects of prenatal u/s on brain architecture was published on Tuesday, it wasn't available to us peons until yesterday. Here's the link, if you're interested.

Reading through the original article I had found, they don't misrepresent anything, but I do feel much better after having read the source document.

For one thing, the mice were exposed to the u/s for a much longer percentage of developing brain time than any of our babies are. Plus, no effect was seen until 30+ minutes of exposure to a stationary u/s beam. Our u/s don't take nearly that long, nor is the beam stationary. Even if cumulative exposure is > 30 minutes, I think there's long enough between exposures that different cells would be "affected" with each scan, not enough to cause the kinds of changes seen in this study.

That said, I still think it's worth considering the value of each u/s before having it.

37 weeks tomorrow. Mind boggling, as many of you commented on my previous posts. And acupuncture / moxybustion scheduled for tomorrow as well to try and get Phred to "assume the position". I'm really hoping that it works!!!

Ironic timing...

For this article about the potential effects of ultrasound on the development of the fetal brain (of mice) to come out. The natural birth books I've been reading suggest that one should decline "unnecessary" ultrasounds and fetal heartbeat monitoring with a Doppler. So I was thinking this morning at my u/s when the tech was showing me Phred's brain, whether it was a good idea to be doing so or not. And then I read this article! Argh!

The caveats of the article definitely hold true, I think - the study was conducted in mice, so there are a lot of factors that make the relevance to humans questionable. And, I tried to look up the original article in PNAS, and was unable to find it (please drop me a comment if you do find it and I'm just being an idiot). I generally don't like to take what the media write about science as gospel without going to check on the source myself, as it is often sensationalized.

But, the article does make me wonder a bit about the utility of some of the early scans I had done (6wks and 8 wks) - yes, it was nice to see the embryo, and to see the heartbeat, but really, were they both necessary? I can see that an early u/s is good for diagnosis of a possible ectopic pg, or multiples, but most women who aren't with an RE don't get these early scans.

There was another article that I found while looking for this one mentioning that in a study of men born from 1973-78 when ultrasounds first started to be used, there was a statistically significant increase in the number who were left-handed. I kind of laughed at that - who really cares? But at the same time, one has to question what other effects there might be.

I guess that the point is that like just about everything else in life, there are pros and cons. It's a question of weighing between the two. Having read this article I might make a different decision on my early scans than I did - but what's done is done. I think the lesson that I will draw from this is that it is worthwhile to consider, even if there don't seem to be any drawbacks to a particular procedure, how necessary it truly is. There is nothing in life that I can think of that is 100% guaranteed safe. But having considered this and then decided to do something rather than just doing it on the assumption that it's safe would make me feel better, I think.

On the other hand, my u/s today was so totally cool! I could see Phred breathing, eyelids opening and closing, the fuzzy hair on the head, heart going pitter-patter, little tongue sticking in and out of the mouth... incredible.

Phred's personality - stubborn already!

Well, I had my 36 week appointment this morning, with an ultrasound to see exactly how Phred is lying in there. The verdict? "Complete breech". If you google it you can find some pictures, although none of them are exactly right. Phred's head is over on my right side, with the back pointing more towards the top of my uterus, and feet right down by my cervix. So maybe a combo of transverse and complete breech? I had been thinking that Phred's head was over at the top left of my uterus, but I was wrong about that - although exactly right about where the feet are!

The u/s tech also did measurements to figure out how big Phred is, and came up with 5lb 14oz, in the 25th percentile. Which is good, as it gives the external version (which will be scheduled for next Weds or Thurs, assuming that acupuncture / chiropracty / lying with my butt in the air haven't worked by then) a better chance of working than if he/she were oversized.

Nothing much else of note to report... I'm finding it harder to move around - sitting down and standing up require a bit more work these days. I also managed to acquire some hemmorhoids over the last few days, and the doc said that I can't expect that to clear up before delivery. Lovely. Ankle swelling isn't quite as bad now that it's cooler outside, but my ankle bones are still a bit hard to find. But all in all, that's not too much to whinge about.

Birth plan

As I mentioned, since reading "Natural birth the bradley way", I've also read a couple of other books on the topic of delivery, and more specifically, the things that your doctors don't necessarily tell you ("The thinking woman's guide to a better birth", and "The silent knife" about C-sections and VBAC. I wouldn't say that reading these has scared me, but they have definitely raised some questions in my mind about standard obstetrical practice that have made me realize that M and I are going to need to be more proactive in our management of Phred's delivery that I would have anticipated had I not read these books, and learned about the possible negative effects of standard care. So, here's what I'm thinking (assuming, of course, that I don't have to have a c-section because Phred is still breech).

Please note that these are my opinions, based on what I've read. I'm not criticizing anyone else's choices!

1. Eating and drinking during active labor. Strongly discouraged by the hospital, in case you need general anesthesia for an emergency c-section. Problem is that it can cause dehydration (leading to the need for IV fluids, see #2), and lack of energy for the second stage of labor. Which can lead to an extended pushing phase, and c-section for "failure to progress". They claim that if you are put under with food in your stomach, you might throw up and aspirate the contents of your stomach = bad. But, if you haven't been eating or drinking, you throw up gastric juices, which to me seems a lot worse. At my hospital, the rate of c-sections is 30%, the rate of general anesthesia is 5%, which means that absolute max, 1.5% of people are having GA with a c-section. And as the 30% rate includes planned c-sections as well, it's actually a lot less than that. AND, if someone's been in a car accident or the like, they almost certainly don't have an empty stomach. So I think that the prohibition on eating / drinking is bogus, and don't plan to follow it. (Which I will let them know if I do end up needing GA).

2. No IV fluids for hydration. The rate of IV's is quite astonishing - 94%! Are that many of us really dehydrated? When I was in for my contractions they stuck an IV in me 2/3 times - the first I managed to convince them that I really was not having the contractions because of dehydration (I had had over 100oz of fluid during the day). The second time they wanted to try it anyway, despite my saying the same thing. And it made no difference to the contractions whatsoever. And then the third was when I was having the magnesium, which needed to go in through an IV. But, our hormones are fairly delicately balanced, and getting more fluid than needed can screw with that balance. Perhaps leading to a slowdown in labor, so pitocin to help... blah blah blah. Slippery slope.

3. No induction. If Phred isn't ready to come out yet, I don't see any reason to force it. Plus, it seems like very few people who are induced end up with a normal, natural labor. I'd rather be pregnant for a few more days.

4. No breaking of waters to speed up labor. The amniotic sac can A) help with opennig the cervix more gently, B) cushion the baby's head, and C) equalize the pressure the baby feels with contractions - less fetal distress.

5. Minimal external fetal monitoring. The standard is to throw those suckers on you as soon as you arrive in the hospital, and keep them on the entire time. However, they definitely seem to lead to a higher c-section rate, because as soon as any kind of issue is seen, the doctors feel like they have to fix it right away. There has been a fair amount of research into this topic, and almost every article says that "intermittent auscultation" is just as effective at catching real problems as the continuous monitoring is, while lessening the c-section rate.

6. No time limits on labor (within reason). First, there seems to be a "you have to deliver within 24 hours of your water breaking" paradigm in place these days. Because of threat of infection. But studies have shown that there is no increased risk of infection just because of broken waters, especially if no internal exams are performed. So I'm thinking that if this happens and I don't start having contractions right away, I'm not even going to bother calling the hospital at that point. I also do not want a c-section just because I've been in phase 1 for X number of hours, or phase 2 for 2 hours. The time limits used seem to be actually quite fast, so I'm not going to let them pressure me into having a c-section just because of those.

7. No scheduled c-section, even if Phred does seem to want to stay breech. I figure the longer he/she is in there, the more chance there is of turning over, however remote it may be.

I think that about covers it!

My brain is mush. Can't think of title.

Wow, I really can’t believe it’s been almost two weeks since I last posted. Where does the time go?? Everything here is chugging along, status quo. Phred seems to be getting bigger by the day, along with my belly! Still breech though. I’ve been doing some of the position exercises, just started seeing a chiro certified in the Webster technique, and have an acupuncture appointment next week. I’ll also have another u/s at my 36 week appointment to check exactly how Phred is positioned, for a possible ECV the following week, if nothing else has worked in the meantime.

The other things I’ve been occupying my time with include making myself a couple of skirts, since I really can’t stand any of my pants any more, my baby shower (last weekend), and doing lots of research about delivery, delivery interventions, c-sections and the like.

I wrote previously about how I read about the Bradley method for natural delivery, and how it seemed like a really good approach to me. I’m too late for the full series of 12 classes, but did find an instructor (thanks for the suggestion, Erin!) who is willing to meet with us privately to hopefully give us some tips and help with practice that we won’t necessarily get from reading the book and going through the exercises on our own. We have been doing some practicing, I’m learning how to RELAX! Also doing stretching and squatting and Kegels…

The above paragraphs were the first part of a post I started at the chiro on Thursday, that has now turned into two full, single spaced pages in Word, so I decided that rather than making you sit through all my ruminations at once (and wonder how I'm doing), I'd break it up into pieces so that I don't end up with a three or four page monstrosity!

I happened to be near an Old Navy this weekend, so I thought I’d go in and see what they had in the way of maternity clothes – any skirts, or long-ish shorts that I could actually wear to work? Of course it turned out that the particular store I went into didn’t have a maternity section at all, but I did happen to walk by one rack of “low-rise” skirts that I thought might fit. In yet another example of the cussedness of the universe, all they had in most of the colors that I would consider wearing were XXS and S. I could just tell by looking at those there was no way I was getting them over my much more ample ass. I did finally find a L, so went into the changing room to try it on. Quite a shock when I looked at my belly – all of a sudden, I’d acquired the beginnings of stretch marks! I was really hoping that I would avoid those. My genetics suggest that I might – neither my mom nor my sister got any. But there they were, in plain light pink. Oh well, nothing I could do about it. Que sera, sera.

I had to laugh at myself when I had M look at my belly later and he didn’t see anything. They weren’t stretch marks, idiot, it was just from the dress I was wearing being scrunched against my belly by the seat belt. He.

Anyway, some other things on my mind… I read on bbycenter that the Bradley method of natural childbirth allows women to deliver drug free 90% of the time! That is really a pretty amazing statistic, so I decided to get a couple of books out of the library and see what I think. Unfortunately, the method is taught over the course of 12 weekly sessions, so I’m a bit late for that. But I did read through the entire book on Friday night, and it sounds well worth trying. Now I just have to get M to buy into it (it requires full participation from your coach, which includes nightly practice sessions). I was hoping he’d read the book over the weekend after I’d said that I wanted him to, but that didn’t happen. I hate to nag, but I might have to! Does anyone out there have experience with this method? I’d love to hear what you thought of it.

Phred is still clearly breech, and although it does seem that breech vag. deliveries are possible, the medical establishment tends to want to do C-sections if the baby stays that way. So I’ve also been looking into methods for turning Phred over. There are a couple of positions that are suggested for encouraging this at home – one where you basically lie on your back at a –45 degree angle, your feet up on a couch, bum supported by pillows, and upper torso on the floor. The second is kneeling on the ground as if you’re going to crawl, but then putting your chest onto the ground, again getting your bum higher than your chest. Some other things include acupuncture, moxybustion (performed by an acupuncturist, burning certain herbs very close to particular spots near your baby toe – the heat is supposed to do something to encourage the baby to turn), or “external cephalic version (ECV)”, where your doctor uses her hands to turn the baby. Anyone tried any of these methods? At the moment I’m trying the two positions, although you’re supposed to do it more often during the day than I can manage, what with working. I thought I would ask my doctor about doing ECV at my next appointment, and perhaps make another appointment with my acu as well.

Things you learn and don't learn in hospital classes

We had the two childbirth related classes we're taking last Saturday, breastfeeding and Infant safety and CPR. I actually got more out of each of them than I was expecting, which was really nice.

One thing that we were told in the bf class, which I'd also read in the LLL book, was that you're not supposed to put soap on your nipples. So I decided that I would try and implement that over the last few days.

Day 1: Washed myself with my usual routine - using my puffy with D0ve bath wash, started with my left arm, then shoulder. Then skipped my chest which usually comes next, and moved over to my right arm. Of course, crossing my soapy left arm over my chest promptly got soap everywhere. After my right arm, then my left upper back, which got soap everywhere on my front that wasn't already soapy. So, scratch that attempt.

Day 2: More involved process - wash left arm / shoulder, and rinse. Rinsing of course sent soap down my front... wash right arm and rinse. More soap. Upper chest - more coursing of soap. Then, M and I usually shower together to save on time and water - while we were switching positions, I happened to rub against his arm - yet MORE soap.

Is anyone actually able to accomplish this???

Then, I had lunch with a friend the other day, and we were discussing her labor experience. She asked if I'd heard / read that one could poop during labor. I said that I had. She then said that there's another part that NO-ONE mentions - not the books, not the childbirth classes, nothing. And proceeded to tell me her story:

When she got to the pushing phase of labor, her sister and husband were in the delivery room with her. Each of them was supporting one of her legs. The first time the nurse told her to push, she pushed very gently, and let go a really loud fart. Since she wasn't expecting that (although it makes perfect sense that it would happen), she had to close her eyes and try really really hard not to laugh. After she was almost in control, she opened one eye to look at her sister, who by her facial expression was in exactly the same boat. After a few seconds, the nurse said "don't worry about it, it's going to happen, but go ahead and get your laughing out of the way", at which point all three of them totally lost it.

I'm really glad that she mentioned it to me, because I am such a giggler - I think it won't affect me as much now that I know it might happen, rather than taking me by surprise.

In Phred news, still having contractions, but still not nearly as much as before the magnesium. I asked at my appointment yesterday about exercising... still no, but I should get the all clear to do a bit after 34 weeks. I'm now measuring a little big for 32weeks, but doc wasn't worried. Although she did mention my weight for the first time at this appointment, after I gained 7 lbs since the last one! I think it's a lot of water though, as my ankles are starting to swell, and my fingers too. Total gain of 23lbs so far (including that 7!), so I really don't think that's so bad.

Bits and pieces

Interesting article from yesterday's Boston Globe - early results are very promising for using Omega-3 oils in IV feeding of infants instead of Omega-6, for avoiding liver problems.

Pregnancy notes:

My contractions have calmed down quite a bit - every now and again I'll get a bout of them, but they're never closer together than 10 minutes anymore, and for the most part they're an hour + apart. 42 weeks, here I come!

I think that all the drugs are finally out of my system completely - I haven't had to get up in the middle of the night to use the loo in a few days now. An uninterrupted night's sleep is highly welcome. Although I know I shouldn't get used to it.

I noticed sitting down today that my belly button is starting to stick out just a tiny bit. Up to this point it's gotten flatter and flatter. Now there's a tiny piece in the middle that's puffing out. It feels funny when I push on it!

I'm also getting a bit of the linea nigra. It's faint, but noticeable. I assume it'll keep getting darker over the coming weeks / months?

My hair is finally feeling a bit thicker - at least less of it is coming out in the shower. For a girl used to very fine, straight hair, it's nice to have a little more of it. Although I know that goes away after the baby is born.

And I'm willing to bet my clearer complexion will disappear in short order too!

Paranoia, party of one? Your table is ready....

I am driving myself certifiably insane. Doctor's appointment yesterday, with yet another cervical check (my doctor even joked that she didn't think she'd ever checked anyone cervix as much as mine!), showed once again that nothing is happening. Status quo. Is it okay for me to tell myself to relax? Doc was happy enough with the way everythings been going that she suggested going back to biweekly appointments rather than weekly, until I'm at 36 weeks. So I think I really need to stop being so paranoid.

Phred was also super active last night - dancing away like mad. With M's hand on my lower belly he was able to feel lots of movement, which made me really really happy. There were also a couple of really bizarre feeling movements - if I had to guess I'd say that Phred was rolling over, and his foot was pressing against me as he was doing it, so it was the rotation we were feeling.

(For those of you who remarked upon my use of pronouns in my last post - we don't know if Phred is a boy or a girl, so I alternate between both options, getting myself used to the idea of either:-)

I also wanted to say how much I appreciate your comments on my last entry. Some excellent points in there! I really love this community.

Two part post

Part one:

I was so pleased this morning – the contractions really seemed to have subsided; I didn’t have any yesterday until after noon, and this morning only one. So I sent my mom and sis an email saying how happy I was, and that maybe they were dying down and would go away completely.

I really really should have known better.

This afternoon, of course, they started right back up again. And they’re feeling the same way they did on the Wednesday afternoon before I was admitted to the hospital – not every contraction, but about every fourth one I feel low in my uterus, rather than just at the top. I left work early and have been at home on the couch since, but I’m still getting them. I do have a doctor’s appointment in the am, so I’ll wait for that unless they start getting more painful. But I really was hoping that things were settling down in there. Alas.

Part two:

This part is about my sadness that some things with my pregnancy are not going as I had imagined / hoped. If you’re not in a place where you can read something like this, please don’t. I wrote this a few days ago, and I am feeling mostly better, but still a bit… wistful I guess is the best way to describe it.

Let me also preface this by saying that I am incredibly grateful to be pregnant right now, with meeting Phred just around the corner. I am fully aware of what an incredible gift this is, and what a special time in my life (and M’s too).

There are, however, some things that I was looking forward to about being pregnant that just haven’t materialized, or haven’t worked the way I wanted them too, and it all hit me last week.

I was washing dishes, and my back started hurting. The first back pains I’ve had this entire pregnancy. I feel like it’s all because I can’t exercise, I can’t lift weights like I was – I had been feeling so strong and healthy and good about myself and how my body was handling this pregnancy, and now I just feel like crap. I know that exercising makes the contractions worse, and of course I don’t want that, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it terribly.

That (and, I think the Norah Jones CD that I was listening to – not really a good idea if you’re already feeling sad and melancholy) made me start thinking about some of the other things I feel like I’m missing out on.

The whole increased sex drive in the second trimester? What a joke! In my case, that is a complete load of baloney. I’ve never had a terribly active one to begin with, and now it’s gone from, oh I’d say a 2 on a scale of 1-10 (1 = no sex drive, 10 = nymphomaniac) to about a zero. Maybe even a negative number. And that makes me sad, because I was looking forward to being able to share that with M.

I also have never been one to dream. Or at least to remember them. And I was looking forward to all the wild and wacky dreams of pregnancy. That hasn’t come to pass either. I had the one dream during my 2ww that I knew I was pregnant because my nipples were bleeding – since then, nada.

I don’t know how much of these previous two are old wives tales, versus things that most people really do experience. But regardless, I was looking forward to both!

I think the thing that makes me saddest (in fact I know this is what most upsets me because when M and I were talking about it last week I started absolutely bawling) is that because Phred is breech and my placenta is on the front of my uterus, it is extremely rare that Phred’s movements can be seen or felt from the outside. M has felt her a few times, but we don’t get to play with her like so many other people have described. So it makes me really sad that I have this amazingly cool thing going on inside me, and I can’t share it with the person most important to me in the whole world like I want to. He said that he doesn’t feel left out, but somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.

Better and better!

I only had to get up once last night to go to the loo. Which means I ended up sleeping so much more soundly. Definitely feeling more like myself.

Although when I went to the bathroom when I arrived at work this morning I realized my fly was unbuttoned...

And then when I went again, that I put my undies on inside out this morning!

So I guess I'm not quite as combobulated as I thought.

As I was leaving the bathroom I ran into a coworker who asked how I was doing, so I told her a little bit about it. Then she had the absolute nerve to say to me, "so now make sure you take it easy!" I replied, in a not terribly nice tone of voice, "I *HAVE* been taking it easy". Making me ANGRY is really not going to help, I don't think. People just need to mind their own damn business. It is quite obvious to me that she thinks I brought this on myself - she had definitely given me the sense when I was biking to work that she thought I was overdoing it. Never mind that my DOCTOR said that biking was just fine. Never mind that there is scientific evidence that exercise is GOOD FOR YOU AND THE BABY. She thinks that it is HER place to judge what I've been doing, and then tell me about it. GRRRRRRRRR. And then another coworker made a similar comment to me just afterwards, although in a much nicer way. But still. I have not done any exercise, of any shape or form, for the last 4.5 weeks. They can just fucking bite me.

To appease the hordes clamoring for an update (okay, at least a couple of you asked ;-), we're hanging in there. I didn't end up going to work yesterday because although I slept better than I had in the hospital, just an hour of sitting at my home office computer convinced me that I wasn't quite ready yet. So I spent the day reading books and curled up on the couch downstairs with my computer. Love the broadband internet access! M came home early, and we did go out for dinner to celebrate our seven year anniversary. Do I feel guilty for not going to work, but then going to dinner? Yeah, just a smidge. But I'll get over that soon.

I did go in to work today - got there at around 10, checked email, did about three productive things, then started feeling a bit light-headed and nauseous. Lunch didn't make me feel any better, nor did a Snickers bar (but it's packed with peanuts! It's supposed to satisfy me! HA.) So I left to come home at 1:30. I figure it'll take me a few days before I'm really feeling back up to snuff again.

One of my coworkers asked me if I'd lost weight - she said my arms look thinner. Yeah, thanks for bringing up the fact that my muscle mass has basically gone to nothing! I haven't been gaining much weight the last few weeks, but I think it really is that all my muscles are turning into jello. I'm going to have a lot of things to hold over Phred's head when he/she is older.

I was reading over some of my old blog entries earlier today, and I realized I used to be a lot more entertaining. So I thought I'd regale you with some fun from the hospital.

"Firsts" from my first hospital incarceration:

1. It wasn't really my first time in a hospital. I was in a serious car accident about ten years ago - broke my collar bone, stiches in my face, and a concussion that means I have zero recollection of the accident or about four days afterwards. So this stay was "new to me", but not brand new.

2. They have a portable u/s machine that they can bring right to your bedside. I had no idea!

3. The u/s showed that Phred is, as I have long suspected, happily in a breech position. So I wasn't allowed anything to eat after they admitted me, in case we had to do an emergency C-section. So the last sustenance I'd had was lunch at 11:30 on Wednesday.

4. Thursday morning, much to my surprise, the door of my room opened and a tray was brought in. We weren't sure if I was allowed to have anything on it or not. But just seeing "food" brought tears to my eyes I was so hungry and weak feeling.

5. It was for me - clear liquids. Woo-hoo!!! I got to have jello, apple juice, and chicken broth. It was better than nothing, but still a bit of a disappointment.

6. I got to have an italian ice and a popsicle for lunch. SO much better.

7. When they gave me the initial magnesium bolus, the nurse said that I would quite quickly feel hot all over, flushed, and my heart might start racing. What she didn't tell me was that the place I would feel hottest was my "vajayjay". Boy, was that ever a weird feeling.

8. They won't let you get out of bed once they've started the magnesium, because you essentially have no control over your muscles. So I got to use a bedpan for the first time. It was a bizarre experience. I basically ended up peeing all over my butt. And then sitting in it. After the second time I asked for a catheter, because I just could not imagine having to pee into that thing once an hour.

9. Having the catheter put in wasn't nearly as bad as I would have thought. A little numbing gel, then all I felt was a pinch. I remember reading on someone's blog that she didn't want to have an epidural because of the catheter. I have a tiny feeling that the pain of labor is going to SO far eclipse the "pain" of having that catheter put in.

10. The first time I stood up after the mag was stopped was another truly strange feeling. I still felt really heavy and out of control.

11. I was taken to the antepartum unit in a wheelchair. My eyes were better, but still unable to focus quickly enough to deal with the images flashing by as I was wheeled down the corridor.

12. The first time I peed on my own after having the catheter removed was a little scary - quite a bit of blood. I guess when I rolled from side to side and felt twinges down there it was doing something after all. Fortunately that didn't take too long to resolve.

That's all I can think of for now. Have a good night, all!

Relief? Not so much...

I'm finally back home after 4 days in the hospital (and Phred and I are both doing just fine). Despite the negative fFN test on Monday, my contractions started feeling different on Wednesday - I had mostly been feeling the tightening towards the top of my uterus, but Wednesday afternoon they moved down towards the bottom. So I called the doc once again, and went back to Labor and Delivery.

They checked my cervix when I got in there - still long and closed, and had me on the monitors for a few hours. Unfortunately, a second cervical check then showed that I was 50% effaced (which I will continue to wonder about, but...) so we then went into full prevention mode. (Which included another fFN test, which was now positive again. So much for Monday's result!)

First shot of beta methasone Wednesday night (steroid to mature Phred's lungs in case of pre-term delivery), and they started me on magnesium sulfate to try and stop the contractions / prevent the pre-term labor for long enough to give the steroids a chance to work. That was an experience. The magnesium basically completely relaxes all your muscles - every movement became an effort, including focusing my eyes! (All I can say is thank goodness for the catheter I asked them to put in Wednesday night.) I basically spent all of Thursday and the first part of Friday in a stupor. I did have a book on CD that I listened to to pass some of the time. That's about all I could manage. What was interesting was that despite the fact all the rest of my muscles were rubber, I was still contracting like a champ. Fortunately that stopped on Friday morning - finally!

Once the contractions had stopped for a few hours, they felt comfortable taking me off the mag, so around 1pm on Friday they shut that off. By 4 I was feeling worlds better, and got moved down to the antepartum floor. (i.e. the bedrest floor).

There was one more incident - I woke up in the early morning on Saturday with the contractractions back again, 2-3 minutes apart, and more painful than they had been. Fortunately after I went to the bathroom a couple of times (and got rid of a a full liter of fluid), they calmed down pretty quickly. A full bladder definitely seems to exacerbate the contractions at this point.

The next couple of days I got to experience hospital bedrest. It wasn't actually as bad as I was imagining - I had a stack of books, my computer, a fair number of visitors... all passed the time pretty quickly. I finally got to shower again on Saturday morning too, I cannot describe how good that felt! Probably the worst was the nights - even though the bedrest bed was a lot more comfortable than the L&D bed, it still wasn't nearly as nice as my bed at home.

After another cervical check this morning, with still no change, I was allowed to go home again. Boy does it feel nice to be out of that bed! They're not even keeping me on bedrest, I think because I seem to have the contractions whether I'm in bed or not, so doesn't seem to be much point in restricting my activity to that level.

Hopefully this is the last of the drama, and I'll just keep gently contracting for another 6+ weeks. (29w1d today).

Good news

At my appointment yesterday, my Doc decided to do another fetal fibronectin test, to see if that had changed at all (it was positive at 25 weeks). Called back a few hours later to say that indeed, it is negative now. So that, along with the fact that my cervix was measured at 3.3cm last week suggests that it is highly unlikely that I will deliver pre-term. Big sigh of relief! (I was already feeling better given that I'm 28w3d, this is just icing)

Further adventures of Nico and Phred

When I went to the loo yesterday morning, there was a big ol' chunk-o-mucus on the tp. Not enormous, but big enough for me to be concerned. Slightly larger than an M&M (Smartie, for those of you across the pond. Or do you have M&Ms over there these days?). I started to write a post asking about what the size of the mucus plug would be, if that's what it was, but then decided I was just being silly, and should call the doctor's office and ask them.

So they had me come in for triage again. A quick check of my cervix... was not as quick as they had been in the past, so I was prepared for bad news. Turned out not to be so bad - still closed, but now 70% effaced. So not great either. Back to Labor and Delivery for more monitoring.

The monitoring again showed that Phred is doing just fine, but my contractions are still on the order of 4-5 minutes apart. This time they decided to try hydration, despite my protests that I was quite well hydrated, thank you very much. A liter of oral fluids and 2 liters of IV fluids later, they said I was right, that hydration was not the problem. Yeah.

Two more checks of my cervix by a different midwife showed no change, but she definitely agreed with the initial estimation that it was shorter. So, they sent me home again, home again, jiggety... no jogging allowed! And made me an appointment for an u/s this morning.

The u/s, thankfully, was definitively good. My cervis was measuring at 3.3cm, where generally pre-term labor isn't thretened unless it's less than 2cm. So I think that we can finally start to relax a bit, although I still plan on being hypervigilant about the symptoms of PTL.

So a few more wracked nerves later, it looks like we'll make it at least a couple more weeks. And every week that goes by is good!!

Thank you all so much for your good thoughts and wishes through these trials :-)

OK, not great.

We're hanging in here. I'm still contracting like it's going out of style (this is one uterus that damn well better be able to handle labor, with all the practice it's getting!) Still no change to my cervix. Which is good. I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow, which makes me feel a lot better than when the contractions started right around 25 weeks. I can't believe I've been having them for two weeks already.

I had my regularly scheduled 26wk appointment on Tuesday, where I got to do the GD test for real this time (at around 14wks they gave me the drink by mistake, but didn't bother to draw my blood), as well as a Rhogam shot. I'm A- and M is O+, so there is a definite possibility that Phred and I will be Rh incompatible. My first butt-shot. It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined, really just a little pinch.

Also discussed the continuation of the contractions with my doc. I asked about doing a bit of walking or light weight lifting - staying perfectly still doesn't seem to stop the contractions, so I figured doing a bit of exercise couldn't hurt. She recommended against it (although she said I'm a grown up, and can obviously make my own choices). She also even more strongly recommended against travelling - which I'm bummed about because I had three trips planned for work in June, two of which I was really looking forward to. Ah well.

She was totally right on the exercise though. I did take a walk the next day, from my office to the bank so I could make some deposits. Less than a mile round trip. It was really amazing - I do have the contractions sitting still, but boy does walking exacerbate them. So unless my uterus magically decides to become un-irritable, I'm stuck being a lump.

But, much better to be a lump with Phred still cooking than to do something stupid and cause these contractions to actually turn into labor.

meltdown and recovery

I've been keeping pretty steady through all of this, but had my first meltdown last night, when the contractions were back to 4-5 minutes apart. I had been telling myself over and over again that it was unlikely that I was going into labor, given the length of my cervix and the fact that it was completely closed on Saturday night AND Monday morning. But the damn contractions picking up again really got to me. Especially as I had come home from work early because I did notice that walking up and down the stairs was bringing them on, and all I had been doing since was lying on the couch.

So I had my little crying jag. Then I switched positions, and it did seem to help, so we decided not to call in again. I had already made the decision not to go into work today, so thought I'd see what happened today, and hopefully things would calm down when I really wasn't doing anything. Self-imposed bedrest.

Did not work at all. After I woke up I stayed in bed for about 45 minutes, with contractions about ten minutes apart. Lying on the couch seemed better for a while, but any time I would stand up to go to the bathroom or get some water they would start right back up again, 4-5 minutes apart.

Eventually I called the doc again, both to get the results of my UTI test from Saturday, and also to ask whether I should come in again. They said I should. So, trip number two to the hospital. This one was less of a rush, as I figured an extra half hour probably wasn't going to do anything at this point.

More monitoring (Phred was called a “textbook full term reactive baby”, which was great!), and another cervical check showed once again that nothing is happening in that area.

So this time, the doc said not to worry about the contractions. They are obviously not productive, in that my cervix is just fine. She called them “nuisance” contractions. She was still a bit nervous, given the positive fibronectin test, but said that I should only call if I notice any change from the current affairs. I may just have to live with these for the next three months. Hopefully three months.

I’m feeling much better now, still hoping that they go away, but resigned and okay if they don’t.