Birthday boy!

Dear Antony,

Almost every night after we’ve put you to bed, your Dad and I look at each other and say “He’s *such* a good baby!” This past year has been brimming with joy – the joy that we feel every day for having been lucky enough to welcome you into our lives, the joy that you seem to take out of learning and exploring and playing, and the joy of just being silly.

You have changed so much since you were born. You have tripled your birthweight, added more than 50% to your height, and a good couple of inches to your head. You have figured out how to use your hands for picking things up, grabbing things, turning switches off and on, and pressing buttons. Your hands and feet seem to have about doubled in size too – but I still love looking at them and feeling them. They’re so soft! You’ve gone from being cute and cuddly but not terribly interactive to a little person who laughs and plays with us, knows his own mind, understands an incredible amount, and can communicate with us! Not only do you use a couple of signs (‘more’ – which now means more, I want, open, close, on, off, and some other things I’m forgetting, and ‘milk’), you also can say 16 words for sure (boom, clock, car, closed, cold, dada, dog, hat, high-chair, hot, light, mama, nana, night-night, poop, and up), with about another 10 that we have heard but not consistently enough to count just yet.

Some of my favorite memories from this past year include the little smiles you used to give us when you were around a month old – I knew they weren’t intentional smiles just yet, they were mostly after you had finished nursing and were drifting off to sleep, but they were so sweet. Then of course, your first real smiles were priceless, what with your cute little dimples and the way you got crinkles at the corners of your eyes. And then the laughter. There was no better sound in the whole wide world, than the chuckles you would give us. Mostly when we made funny noises or faces, or munched on you or kissed you all over. I still love when we can make you laugh.

You are a chilled out little guy, for the most part. When you were younger you rarely cried for no reason; mostly when hungry or tired. When you were in your fussy phase, from about 4-8 weeks, we could bounce you on the exercise ball, which we called “the magic ball”, and you would calm right down. Now you sometimes get mad when you don’t get your way, but most of the time you’re content to play with your toys, read books, and chatter away with us.

This past year has been a truly incredible one – meeting you, watching you grow and develop, and getting to know you has been a most amazing experience. I am so looking forward to everything that is still to come!

Lots and lots of love,
Mom.

New score in - wolves 2, Nico - jackpot!!!

Chain of evidence:

Temp way down yesterday.

Signs of an imminent yeast infection. Lovely.

Some cramping in the am - felt much more like CB cramps than GI... ???

Purchased 1-day yeast infection treatment last night.

Used it.

Pantyliners today to deal with the drippage.

Lots of drippage.

Lots and LOTS of drippage.

Getting more and more pink-ish through the day????

Explanation number one - some wierd fungal disease turning my lady bits pink.

Explanation number two - crimson bitch?

End of day check suggests number two. Only a five day LP, but holy shit! An LP!!! An ovulation that I caught!!! The renowned crimson bitch paying a visit (with thanks to Mollywogger for a much better term than AF)!!!!!!

Yiipppppppppppppppppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Round two - wolves 2, Nico 0.

I'm amusing myself. Which is good because I think everyone else is sick of this train of thought.

My temp was up on Friday, up on Saturday and very clearly NOT up today. So unfortunately I think that this week's potential O was yet another false hope.

What I find very interesting, though, is that it was 29 days after the last time I thought I may have. So clearly something is going on with my hormones, I'm just not all the way there yet.

Stopped BFing completely as of Thursday - I have enough frozen milk to make it to that magical one year mark, and I'm taking that as good enough. Ant was not terribly pleased with me the last night we nursed, popping on and off and never really drinking much. I don't know if I just wasn't letting down quickly enough or what. So I'm not as sad about it as I thought I might be. In fact, I'm somewhat relieved.

No more wolves - I think!

Okay, so I've been diligently peeing on sticks every day since last Friday. Oh, how I missed it! (Not, and yet not!)

As I mentioned, I was getting essentially no line for the first few days. A line so faint that even when I squinted I wasn't sure I could actually see it. BUT! Two days ago, it was much darker. Still not a positive, not as dark as the control line, but damn close. And then yesterday the same.

And all kinds of crampy things going on last night.

Today's OPK was back to the nonexistent line again.

I think I should go to bed now so I can check my temp in the morning.

O.b.sessing!

am temp = up. cautiously optimistic!!!

Fun fun fun ARGH fun fun fun

Ant has discovered cars. Or, more to the point "cah cah cah cah cah"s. My baby has a Boston accent already! He loves to point them out every time we go outside - he will point at and label each car that is parked in the neigborhood. And any car that drives by. Cars (and trucks) in books. "CAH!". His latest form of entertainment is sitting inside those cars. We seriously have spent about two hours each day this week just sitting inside various cars. Okay, not just sitting. All the buttons to push! Lights to turn on and off! Levers to manipulate! "Cah cah cah CAH!".

Problem is, he now wants to enter all cars that he sees, including those that don't belong to us. Because really, how is a baby supposed to understand the concept of ownership at this age? Boy, does it make him M.A.D. though. Our neighbor was apparently home all day on Wednesday, so each time we went outside we had to go over and look at her car. Poor kid so desperately wanted to get inside. "More, More, MORE" he would sign. And then when I told him we couldn't because I don't have the key, he *SCREAMED*. Yikes.

(These days more not only means more food, it means again, open, close, turn on and off lights, milk, I WANT.... I'm probably forgetting something. I'm trying to teach him all those signs as well, but more is the only one that has stuck. And it's not even really the "more" sign anymore - he now keeps his first two fingers on his left hand in his mouth, and bangs the other one against it.)

Other fun we have had recently seems to center around his time in the high chair. He is more than happy to stay in that chair for close to an hour, first while we eat, and then while we play. Yesterday's game was me trying to get him to say "light", "off" and "on" (successful for light, perhaps so for on, not so much for off). So I was pointing to one light and then another, saying "light light light". Faster and faster and faster. I made it into a dance; point at the light above the table, the light above the island, the table, the island, the island...I love that I can be so silly, that we can be so silly together.

Now if I can just cut out that screaming!

Almost a year!

We went today to get some professional pics done, of Ant and our whole family. I'm so pleased with how they turned out! And of course, we ended up spending way more than I was planning. I think that's what they count on. Anyway, if you'd like to take a gander, click here.

The girl who cried "O, AF" (updated)

I have been obsessing. And obsessing. And trying not to obsess, but not managing. As is probably clear from the tenor of my last few posts.

Yesterday my back was hurting me which is my usual PMS symptom. I was initially writing it off as being due to the weeding I'd done the night before. But then I was sitting in a meeting, and started feeling all crampy. I totally couldn't concentrate on the meeting, all I could think was "maybe AF tomorrow????" "what if..." "do we want to start trying already?".... and so on and so on.

Then, I went to the loo, and lo and behold, EWCM?!?!?!? Quite stretchy, around an inch or so. So then I was thinking, maybe ovulation really is just around the corner this time??? Clearly my body is trying to do *something*.

I got home and actualy peed on a leftover OPK I had. No sign of any kind of second line whatsoever. Oh well.

Today's TP adventure, however - I have never ever seen so much CM, EVER. So I think I'm going to buy some more OPKs on my way home and try again.

Did I say that I'm obsessed???
***********************************
So I purchased a 20 pack of OPKs on my way home. Peed as soon as I arrived. That nervous anticipation you all know so well - and the result? A "light of a thousand suns" second line. WTF? I always thought that EW was related to LH, but I guess not! Must be estrogen??

Accidental weaning.

The only time I can manage to get some exercising in is first thing in the morning. So of the three days I go to work, I head to the gym first Mon/Thur, and play hockey on Tuesday mornings. The hockey is tough with nursing because I need to leave before Ant gets up. I used to dream feed him, but these days, if I pick him up to nurse he wakes up. So that's no good. The last few weeks M has been giving him a bottle when he gets up, and I've pumped at work.

Today was a bit of a funny day, because it turned out my mom hurt herself and couldn't come to babysit. So rather than going to work after hockey, I came back home. Fully intending to pump - but didn't! Ant has been asking for more milk every morning when he's finished nursing anyway, so it's clear that my supply is no longer keeping up with his demand. And after a day off, I can imagine it's going to be even worse. So we might be down to just one nursing session a day, by default.

I'm almost considering stopping now, but I want to be able to say that I nursed for a year. Being part of that 11% or whatever it is. Stupid, I know!

Sigh

Despite that I didn't really think that I had O'ed, based on my temps going back to my coverline 5 "dpo", I'm still a tiny bit bummed that the crimson bitch has not paid me a visit yet. (I think tomorrow is 14 "dpo"). And there is NO way that I'm pg, unless it was a virginal conception, so that's not it.

On one plus side (and WAY too much information, but it's my blog so too bad), I am having so much CM at the moment my panties were stuck to me tonight!

I'm planning on weaning Ant after his first birthday, which is in three short weeks. Un-fricking-real. I am continuing to believe that I've done what I needed to in not going crazy with weight loss post baby, and not exercising too much (ha, like that's even an option!), and that CB will make her much anticipated appearance a month or two (or even a few short weeks, can I dare to be so brazen?) after weaning is completed.

Since I stopped pumping while at work, and Ant stopped biting me, nursing has become a much more pleasant experience. Especially now, when speed nursing is the order of the day. 8 min one side, 4 min the other and we're done! He really likes to hold onto my arm when he's nursing now, I couldn't have imagined myself saying this even a month ago, but I'm going to miss it. I'm going to miss the feeling of that little hand patting my arm, and waving in the air searching for it when I go to pick up my book or my water bottle. Ant pointing at the nursing chair making the milk sign first thing in the morning, and the flapping of his arms when he sees me come in at night after Dad has read the bedtime stories, because he's so excited for his bedtime milk. Weaning is going to be a little harder than I imagined, I think. For both of us. So even though I'm excited to start cycling again (positive thinking, positive thinking), I'm a little nostalgic as well.

Words, words and more words!

Ant incontrovertibly said "mama", meaning me, on Tuesday morning. Sunday he had said it when my FIL was holding him and he wanted to go to me, but I wasn't certain. Apparently he was saying it while crying after I left M with him on Monday morning. Then Tuesday I went in to get him out of his crib to nurse, and he said "mama" as clear as a bell.

He's been saying "dada" for a little while now, but we're not 100% sure that it refers to Mark. Most likely it does.

Yesterday I was playing with him on our bed. We have a big digital clock on the headboard that Ant really likes to play with. I was saying "that's the clock, Antony. Clock" and he seemed to be making the same sound over and over again, 'cawh' or 'cawhc', so I thought that perhaps, just perhaps, it was his first non parent word. So I asked him to say "clock", and sure enough, he repeated it a number of times. And than again when M got home, and we managed to capture it on video. So I think that's official. What do you think?



I am fascinated by what words kids say first. My niece's first (non-parent) word was "door", she absolutely loved doorknobs and handles, and opening and shutting doors at that age. A friend's son's first word was "fish" - he spent a lot of time at the doctor's office, where they had a fish tank. If you have a young 'un who's started talking, what was his/her first word?