Thursday, June 30, 2005

HA message board

So this was the first time I really ventured out into any other forums. The beginning of the board was pretty informative - I'm thinking now that perhaps I'm not responding as well to the meds this time around because of the switch I made in the bcp I took. Before my first cycle I had been on a low dose pill but hated it because it made me all bloated and I packed on weight like there was no tomorrow. So while I was waiting for my cysts to go away, I went back on the pill I had used before, which apparently contained a higher dosage of the hormones, and perhaps is interfering with my response now. Plausible.

The middle of the board though started to really annoy me. *baby dust*,*sticky vibes*, PEOPLE POSTING IN ALL CAPS, in pretty pink letters, those fucking little icons everywhere... boy, they've really come up with some doozies! WTF? I'm so glad our IF blogs are a safe haven from that sentimental crap.

Update 01/19/11: I noticed that this was one of my popular posts.  I just want to say it was written about an older thread on the fertilethoughts forum which got a little wacky after a while.  The current HA thread, which you can find at is not like this at all, it is a wonderful support forum that has helped hundreds of women with HA over the almost seven years it has been in existence (it was started by my now friend, fitgirl, in August 2005, just a few months after I wrote this post.)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The growing Hypothalamic Amenorrhea Club...

I started this blog when I was diagnosed with HA, and couldn't find any message boards, blogs, or other place where I could talk to people in the same boat - find out what had or hadn't worked for them, why my RE was telling me certain things, if their's was saying the same. For a long time, there was just me, and maybe Queenie (who I don't think was diagnosed as HA, but wasn't getting regular visits from C. Bitch). In the last couple of weeks, a few other potential HA gals have found my blog, and tonight I came across a message board with over 500 posts (I'm currently reading through, on around #120 or so...). So I started my "HA posse" links section.

I have already come across a post on the board where someone said she was on Repronex for 20 days, so that's given me some peace of mind. I've been so worried that they would just tell me to screw this cycle and give up. And whether that would mean that we're done with this avenue (injectibles / IUI). Sometimes I think that being a scientist is a really bad thing in this arena because I know too much about things that could potentially happen. The meds aren't working? I must be making neutralizing antibodies. So the FSH will never work, and I've totally screwed myself because I can't ovulate, and now can't take gonadotropins so no IUI OR IVF. Despite the fact that there is no published paper even remotely suggesting that. Well, except in baboons taking human gonadotropins. I'm such a dork.

nothing. nada, zilch, zero, rien, nichts, niente.

Yet another u/s this morning (#4 this cycle), lining a little better at 5.2mm, but STILL NO FOLLICLES > 8mm. 11 days of Repronex and *nothing*. I'm really getting the feeling this cycle is fucked. fuck.

Update: My e2 levels so far have been 42, 46, 55 and today a whopping 38. woo-hoo! They told me to up my dosage to two full amps, and come in again on Friday. For just an e2 test, no dildo-cam. I don't know if that's good or bad... last-ditch effort, I suppose.

Monday, June 27, 2005

hamster head

I too have hamster head today. I just spent 45 minutes making up an Excel spreadsheet with what days I took what doses of meds on this cycle and last, when I will might hope to have my IUI (day 19 or 20? this cycle vs. day 18 for the last). Have I been exercising too much? Is that what's going on here? Not eating enough? I'm not losing weight, but I'm not putting it on either... do I need to put on another five-ten pounds? Exercise in the last week:

Sun: ice hockey, 60 min
Mon: ice hockey, 50 min
Tue: weight lifting, 60 min, biking 35 min
Wed: biking 50 min
Fri: biking 35 min
Sat: biking 35 min
Sun: ice hockey, 60 min

I feel like that's nothing - it's so much less than I used to do. I used to lift weights 3x per week, play volleyball for 2 hours, 2x per week, and play hockey ~4x, plus the biking. But it is more than I was doing last cycle (weather was worse, so I wasn't biking nearly as much). Am I shooting myself in the proverbial foot? I love the way I feel when I exercise, so strong and healthy, how can it be that it's actually not good for me?


Anyone tried Robitussin for increasing EWCM? Read about it in the evil condescending book, thinking about trying it... Also, Jen P said in her comment that evening primrose oil (1000mg) works too. Any experience with either? Both? 'Cause more is better, right?

Bah, humbug.

Yet another u/s this morning. (Made sure to hide my bright red undies!). Lining at a whopping 4mm, three follicles on the right all at 8mm, a bunch of smaller ones on the left. Doc says, "everything looks great, you're responding really well". Yeah, maybe if I'd only been on meds for four days. It's been nine!!! I was a fool to think that when I had a 7 and 8 last Weds that things were going well.

I've heard of people having cycles cancelled - I don't know how long they'll go on stimulating before they say uncle. Wouldn't that just be peachy. Here, take my two thousand dollars and throw it in the garbage. I don't care about the money if I at least have a chance of getting pregnant, but to spend all of that for nothing? That really fucking sucks.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


I really need to remember not to expect things in this area to go the way I want them to. Second u/s yesterday morning - my two follicles were hardly bigger at all, and the few other little ones were catching up. Not good. So my meds were upped to 1.5 vials again. I'm not too upset because I think it will work out okay like it did the last time, but it's still disappointing - I had thought everything was going to be perfect this time. Dumbass.

On a completely different (or exactly the same) note, I can be such a total dimwit sometimes.

Dimwittedness #1 - I had bought a really cute pattern for a baby jacket that I'm going to make for my sister. I wanted to go to the fabric store this morning to buy the fabric, but had left the pattern at work, in my car. (I biked home last night). So I decided to bike back to work again, shower there, then go to a fabric store nearby.

#2 - although I remembered to bring soap, shampoo and conditioner with me, I forgot about a towel! So I had to dry myself with my sweaty tank top. Dumbass.

#3 - brought clothes to change into, but forgot my underwear! Not much I could do but head to the fabric store commando.

And the final straw - turns out the fabric store only sells home furnishing fabrics!

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


I'm going to a friend's house for dinner tomorrow night, so I opened my new box of meds / needles to prepare a package to take with me. The new needles for injection? 27 gauge instead of the 30 I have been using. I looked at the size - scary! *not* looking forward to switching over to those on Friday night. Hopefully the pharmacy will send me out some more 30's right quick!

Do you ever get hot flashes? I was standing in Babies-R-Us tonight, having purchased a shower gift for Saturday when all of a sudden I started feeling really warm - so warm, in fact, that I could also feel rivulets of sweat running down the backs of my legs. And when I say rivulets, I mean it. I wasn't glistening, I wasn't perspiring, I was freaking dripping! EEeeeeeewwwwwwww!

I love love love Ginger Altoids.

Jumping follicles, batman!

u/s this morning, I don't think I could have wished for better results! One follicle on the right at 8mm, one on the left at 7.2mm, plus a few little guys on each side. Dr. Conveyor had said when I had an appointment with her last week that she'd be happier with two mature follicles rather than the one we got last time, to give us a better shot. And it looks like that's where we're heading.

I was totally convinced that there would be absolutely nothing happening, as with the first week of meds in the last round, but I was wrong! I don't want to get too excited, but if things keep on at this pace, IUI should happen next Thursday or Friday.

I've definitely found that I manage to keep myself much saner when I expect the worst. That way I'm pleasantly surprised when I get a better result, and prepared for disappointment. Had I had even an inkling that cysts might be an issue for me after the last cycle I think that finding them would not have been nearly as hard - I really was completely taken by surprise by that one. I knew that people got cysts, but given that I'd never had any in the umpteen zillion ultrasounds I'd had before, it didn't occur to me that *I* might be prone to them as well!

On a completely different note, a few bloggers have commented about the question of what to do with your underwear while you're on the table. Hide it? Fold neatly? I think most of us put it away somehow so that our cooter poker isn't too disgusted by us... Well, this morning, I did one better than that - I had ridden my bike to the doc's office, so I was all hot and sweaty. I didn't want to gross my CP out with the smell of unwashed, sweaty cooter, so I did a quick poor man's shower with some paper towels and soap in the lav. All fresh and clean for my prodding!

Monday, June 20, 2005

In the ring, fists are swinging...

Round two has begun! Repronex injections started Saturday night. No problems so far, although I've definitely noticed that it stings a lot more when I do the injection on the right side of my stomach than when I'm on the left. Bizarre!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Top Ten ways you know you're procrastinating at work...

Actually, I don't have ten. I've only got four at the moment. I was hoping you guys could help me add on. Anyway, my list so far (witout numbers, since I don't know where they'll ultimately fall):

A. You check the blogs on your list every fifteen minutes, hoping for one of your blog-buds to provide you with some news or entertainment

B. You check your non-work email every five minutes looking for any comments that have been left on your blog

C. You google 'asparagus pee' after having eaten pasta with asparagus for lunch and smelling the offending liquid

D. You spend half an hour laughing at the results of said search.

Cyst free!

u/s this morning to check for cysts before I went off the pill. All clear. So injections again starting this weekend.

Monday, June 06, 2005

How I amuse myself whilst on the pill

This morning I decided to ride my bike in to work. It's about 8 miles, takes me ~35 minutes, I really enjoy it when the weather is nice. Which it *finally* is.

So. When my bike is at home, I keep it in the back corner of the garage, sandwiched in next to the lawn mower. Usually I can just pull it straight out, but we had done some yard work last weekend, and hence have brown paper bags full of chopped up branches lining the wall. And I pulled my car in too close to the bags, so I couldn't get the bike out.

Ah - I knew I lifted weights for a reason! No problem, I could just lift the bike up and over the bags, and be good to go. Bend from the legs, lift the bike, over the bags... put down - uh oh. I somehow managed to catch the handlebar in my shirt AND necklace. I put the rear wheel down, and tried to maneuver the front to get it untangled. Magic new torture device. The more I tried to get out, the more I strangled myself!

Very fortunately, I had my cell phone in the bike bag attached to the back wheel. Gingerly I reached in with my left hand while holding the front of the bike up with my right so as not to garrote myself. Using the cell phone while driving also came in handy here, as I managed to use just the left hand to call Mark, who was still in bed upstairs.

"Um, Mark...? Can you come down to the garage and help me out?" - literally! When he opened the door and saw my predicament I couldn't help but burst into laughter, thereby tightening the damn necklace even more! Even he couldn't get the handle out from between the necklace and my neck, and ended up having to undo the clasp. Did manage to get out relatively unscathed, just a bright red mark across my neck. (And the necklace is fine too).

I was really lucky that he was home, and didn't take the 6:30am flight which he has been doing for the last umpteen weeks. There was a pedestrian who walked by in the street as I was sitting there waiting for them, so I suppose if he hadn't been home I could have yelled for help - wouldn't that have been a riot? "Um, excuse me... I seem to have a bike stuck to my neck!"